Sunday, November 30, 2008

Don't bother

This movie Australia is coming out, but I've already seen it. About a hundred times. So have you, but for those still curious, let me spare you $25 and give you the whole movie right here:

Nicole Kidman is a repressed, stiff, judgmental product of the Victorian white male patriarchy which has stifled her natural passions and desires into a hidebound series of nonsensical societal rules designed to make sure she never, ever has an orgasmic thought. She even, ugh, believes in God. Through an odd series of unfortunate circumstances, she goes to Australia. Or, through some patronizing sense of do-goodism, she goes to Australia. Not sure which scenario holds true here, but you can bank on one or the other.

There she meets the vulgar and ill-mannered Hugh Jackman, who, of course, represents Man in State of Nature, which all that English hoity-toity social engineering has worked so diligently to eradicate. Not out here in the Outback, mate, where a man is a man and doesn't have time for all that fruo-fro. And, he smells like sheep. She is repelled but strangely intrigued, fighting hard against her first orgasmic thought by invoking God (ugh) and Daddykins and her ever-so-smart circle of equally repressed and judgmental frigid ice queens.

So, how are we going to get these two kids together? Well, of course, through a crisis, conveniently brought on by the mongrelized Japanese horde trying to impose their wog ways on the cream of white culture. Something about mongrelized lessers attacking the purity of English life that just releases the passion between the classes, I guess. So, they get together, quite heroically, and abandon hundreds of years of Western thought for the lustful and relativistic concepts of post-modernism, thereby ensuring the destruction of Western civilization and the eventual election of Barack Obama.

Oh, yeah, and there's some cute Aborigine kids, too.

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