A modest proposal

The schools have gone completely insane. Suspending a kid for a Pop-Tart gun (it goes 'pop,' right?) or, as Chris Plante (a national treasure) talked about today, suspending another kid because he wanted to defend his school from a Sandy Hook Elementary-type massacre...wow. It seems 90-year-old brownshirt nuns have taken over the school system.

And what did you expect? For the past twenty years, the school system has waged a massive behavioral modification campaign to change little boys and little girls into little robots: ve are goink to eliminate ze violence in ze system. Make tag and pointy-gun-finger a capital offense. Promote homosexuality to give the little girls shopping partners, not eeeevil beer-swilling oppresive male husbands. Tart up the little girls and teach them about condoms so pedophiles will have an easier time of it. Dispense Adderol like candy.

And, really, it's so far advanced and ingrained in the entire public school system that no amount of lawsuits, outrage, and pulling your kids out is going to fix it. Noting can fix the public schools, which have become expensive, intrusive, and incapable.  

So, shut down public education. All of it.

Oh no! How will our precious little children ever learn about Dick and Jane? There'll be anarchy! Ignorance! Illiteracy! Dogs and cats living together!

 

Well, no.

After you've tossed the Marxist educational apparatus out the window, you pass two very simple laws: (a) no one can obtain a driver's license without a high school diploma, and (b) no one can work more than 10 hours a week without said diploma.

What??? WHAT?? How can someone get a high school diploma without a school to go to??? How can you deny a 16-year-old the joy of getting a license?? And how in the heck is McDonald's going to staff the front counter???

Easy. Get your GED. Then you're set.

Imagine. All across your town, hundreds of different schools would pop up. Some would just be bare bones Mom-and-Pop operations run out of a garage, teaching just enough to pass that GED. Others would be lovely institutions in (former) public school buildings, teaching Latin and Chemistry and Calculus to those who want more than a GED; you know, all those kids who wants to be doctors and lawyers and physicists. If all you want to do is join Daddy's roofing business, then great, go get your GED by the least expensive and fastest means possible, at 12 years old, if you can. But, let's face it, any 12-year-old who can pass the GED probably wants to do more than roofing, maybe be an archeologist, instead. So he enrolls in the Latin school.

But it'll be too expensive! No, it won't, it'll be pretty cheap. First, these schools need your kids to enroll, so they're going to have to keep their tuitions reasonable. And you'll have more money to pay for it because taxes will plummet. You'll be paying for only your school, not every other school in the county like you do now, whether you have kids or not.

And. boy, wouldn't this radically alter the colleges? Instead of an outrageously expensive four-year Communications degree just to learn how to run a recording studio, you could, instead, go to a much less expensive community college and get a certificate to do exactly the same thing. Without all the ridiculous courses that raise your tuition by, oh, say 1000%. In fact, the universities would have to get downright serious because they'd be competing against cheaper, faster, better ways of getting a great job. They'd actually have to become places of research and thought, instead of diploma mills and centers of Marxist indoctrination.

Utopia, people.