The second time around

Dear President Hopeychange,

Man, rough week. I mean, I can see why you went to Berlin. If a couple hundred thousand former Nazi's showed up and cheered you like they did last time, then you'd know you were on the right track. But, 4500? By invite? You know, if the Germans aren't on your side anymore, then maybe you really ought to check your premises.

Because yours are so, reflexively, 80's. First, nuclear disarmament. Really? Really? What did you think was going to happen, a sudden "NoNukes" demonstration with hundreds of thousands of studenten wearing death's heads and carrying mock-ups of cruise missiles, hanging effigies of Reagan? You do realize all those people are now well in their fifties and, while they may recall those halcyon days with much fondness (as do most of us when regarding our hippie dope-smoking days), they're now pretty grateful for all that Outspend-the-Sovs stuff. It means they are still speaking German, not Russian. All of Germany is now speaking German, come to think of it.

And then, climate change? Oh, get real, will you? Only the craziest of the extreme left greenie kill-all-the-people-and-save-Mother-Earth freaks believe that anymore. You know, Al Gore, Van Jones. Your other nutty friends. So stop it.

But you can't help it, can you? All those discarded 80's tropes are all you've got. I know, during those dope addled days, abandoned by Mom and Dad and your horribly white grandmother while Frank Marshall Davis gushed about the vanguard of the proletariat, you imprinted all that crap, sort of like a baby duck. Now, your basic thoughts are a series of bumper stickers: Visualize World Peace, You Cannot Hug Children with Nuclear Arms, Save the Planet. Just about every thing you say has one, or all, of those as origin. And, in tough times like this, when you are, belatedly, discovering that all that Marxist cant which brought such a shine to your eyes and sense of missionary purpose to your shredded life, is just so much crap, you can't help curling into a fetal position and chanting, "Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh!" Well, that was a little before your time, but you catch my drift.

Dude, the second time around only works with love. Not Communism.

Your friend,

Schlub.

Man up

So this guy Snowden drops a dime on NSA's wholesale and indiscriminate collection of just about everything we all say and do, and then gets hisself off to Hong Kong. Okay, hero or traitor? Well, if he had manned up, stayed here and faced the music, then I'd be giving him a medal. But he didn't. He ran off, which is something a spy would do.

Now, I've been hearing some pundits and commentators saying things like "high school dropout" and "Top Secret clearance" in tones of incredulity, like the former obviates the latter. I am intimately familiar with the entire clearance awarding process, having spent many of my post-military years in da bidness, and, please, get a grip. Your level of education is not an issue in clearance awards; it's an issue in the job you're being hired to do, and if a high school dropout can do the wondrous computer administrative support tasks required by the job Snowden was hired by Booz Allen to perform at NSA, then well and good. I mean, Richard Branson was a high school drop out, too.

Clearances are a whole separate beast. The clearance process determines whether you are the type of person who can be entrusted with classified information, anything from the mundane level of Confidential to the stratospheric stuff which is protected under various code words. That usually goes to character, which can be snapshotted by a look at your spending habits, the people you hang out with, how well you play with others, and what kind of foreign connections you have, among other categories. And, obviously, Snowden passed muster.

But, waaait a minute, that PROVES the clearance process doesn't work!

Well, no. It actually proves the clearance system is working great.

Because, you see, the clearance investigation is designed to ferret out traitors to the United States, persons who are willing to sell out this country for personal gain or for ideological reasons. Snowden is not that kind of person. Au contraire, he fervently believes in the Constitution and the operating principles of this country. So, when he discovered the NSA was conducting operations directly against the Constitution, operations that are un-American and traitorous in themselves, he exposed it.

Just like any good American would do when confronted with a covert Marxist operation designed to destroy the country.

Okay, that last sentence may be a bit of hyperbole, but I can sympathize with Snowden's dilemma. In the course of his job, he discovers a powerful US government agency is waging a secret war against the populace. What do you do, especially when you discover everyone from the President on down, is in on it? You don't exactly have the best course of redress, like the IG and members of Congress, since, the moment you call them, you're a marked man. Right, IRS?

So, gotta give him credit, he went public. And not in any way that compromised US security, because even the dullest of terrorists knew we were tracking their phone calls. Unless, of course, you believe collecting information on every single American is a good, right, and proper security tactic. Which I don't. It's a fishing expedition, easily turned against us. Get off your lazy asses, CIA and FBI, and do some real investigating! You know, like following up on leads about some Chechen guy, or when one of your agents sends up a memo about some suspicious flight training.

But no credit for going to Hong Kong. Dude, that's treason.