The second time around

Dear President Hopeychange,

Man, rough week. I mean, I can see why you went to Berlin. If a couple hundred thousand former Nazi's showed up and cheered you like they did last time, then you'd know you were on the right track. But, 4500? By invite? You know, if the Germans aren't on your side anymore, then maybe you really ought to check your premises.

Because yours are so, reflexively, 80's. First, nuclear disarmament. Really? Really? What did you think was going to happen, a sudden "NoNukes" demonstration with hundreds of thousands of studenten wearing death's heads and carrying mock-ups of cruise missiles, hanging effigies of Reagan? You do realize all those people are now well in their fifties and, while they may recall those halcyon days with much fondness (as do most of us when regarding our hippie dope-smoking days), they're now pretty grateful for all that Outspend-the-Sovs stuff. It means they are still speaking German, not Russian. All of Germany is now speaking German, come to think of it.

And then, climate change? Oh, get real, will you? Only the craziest of the extreme left greenie kill-all-the-people-and-save-Mother-Earth freaks believe that anymore. You know, Al Gore, Van Jones. Your other nutty friends. So stop it.

But you can't help it, can you? All those discarded 80's tropes are all you've got. I know, during those dope addled days, abandoned by Mom and Dad and your horribly white grandmother while Frank Marshall Davis gushed about the vanguard of the proletariat, you imprinted all that crap, sort of like a baby duck. Now, your basic thoughts are a series of bumper stickers: Visualize World Peace, You Cannot Hug Children with Nuclear Arms, Save the Planet. Just about every thing you say has one, or all, of those as origin. And, in tough times like this, when you are, belatedly, discovering that all that Marxist cant which brought such a shine to your eyes and sense of missionary purpose to your shredded life, is just so much crap, you can't help curling into a fetal position and chanting, "Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh!" Well, that was a little before your time, but you catch my drift.

Dude, the second time around only works with love. Not Communism.

Your friend,

Schlub.