Dear Bill Barr

I had the pleasure of watching Guy Benson’s interview with you discussing your new book, One Damned Thing After Another. It appears to be a very informative and entertaining read. But there are a couple of things you said during the interview that you should address:

1. The Nov 2020 election: you said that Trump “beat himself” apparently by not listening to your advice. Perhaps that is so, but you imply that the 2020 election was legally and legitimately conducted. However, there are anomalies in that election which raise serious questions about its validity. Those include the unconstitutional changing of election procedures by several states, the inexplicable halt of vote counts simultaneously across several precincts, the number of votes exceeding the number of registered voters, the defects of Dominion voting machines, and even video evidence of votes pulled out of hiding spots.

Perhaps all of this can be explained, or perhaps the level of fraud was insufficient to change the outcome of the election. But no one has done anything to establish either take. There has not been one grand jury convened to review the evidence of vote fraud. Not one federal prosecutor has conducted an investigation of vote fraud allegations (except, of course, against President Trump for having the temerity to protest a fraudulent election). Judges have dismissed voter fraud complaints on specious procedural grounds, not on merits of the evidence. Subsequent private or state legislature investigations have uncovered massive evidence of widespread voter fraud at a level that seems to alter the reported outcome. Yet, you did nothing. And you still do nothing.

You remind me of a coroner standing in a crime scene covered with several sets of bloody footprints and several bullet casings, five bullet wounds in the victim’s head, and declaring, “Suicide.”

2. The indictment of James Comey: James Comey used a cutout to transfer classified information out of secure holdings and to a newspaper for the purposes of damaging the newly elected President Trump. At the very least, this is felony mishandling of classified information. Given the intent of the act, it’s treason. You acknowledge Comey’s crime in so many words but say the charges did not meet your standards of proof. Really? I have no doubt that had I, as a captain in the USAF, mishandled classified information in as egregious a manner as Comey did that my conviction would be a slam dunk and I would be serving my 25-year sentence in Leavenworth right now. So I can only presume that it’s collegiality that stayed your hand because you and Comey run in the same elite circles; for lack of a better cliche, you went to the same schools. It is the same principle that sends sergeants and captains to jail, while colonels and generals are simply denied promotion and allowed to retire.

I do not take away from your years of outstanding service, but we have a saying in the Air Force: one ‘aw crap’ wipes out ten thousand ‘attaboys.’ In this case, we have two ‘aw craps,’ the 2020 election and Comey’s skating out of charges. From the latter it is plainly obvious that there is a two tiered justice system in this country, and the average person now has no chance of ever obtaining justice. Indeed, the average person will now be judged with a political standard instead of a legal one. Just check on the Jan 6 prisoners. The average American is, therefore, foolish to rely on the criminal justice system for redress and protection. You may not like that, but you helped create that viewpoint.

And you reinforce my and millions of other voters' conviction that the election was fraudulent, that Biden is not the legitimate president of this country, and that you elites conducted a coup against the US because President Trump wasn’t the smooth and urbane striped-pants effete that you prefer in your politicians. President Trump was the first president since President Reagan to actually punch back at the sneering pseudo-intellectuals who daily insult us peasants. And that’s what we wanted. You didn’t. 

Thing is, it would be very easy for you to put our concerns to rest. Arrest Comey. Impanel a grand jury to review the vote evidence. Prove to me that Joe Biden actually won the election. It should be easy. Why won’t you do it?

You are more and more like the dog that did not bark.

It is painful to regard you in this light. When you were first appointed, I was hopeful that an out-of-control Justice Department would be brought to heel. But, in the critical cases, you were wanting. We thought you were George Patton; turns out you're Mark Clark.

The second time around

Dear President Hopeychange,

Man, rough week. I mean, I can see why you went to Berlin. If a couple hundred thousand former Nazi's showed up and cheered you like they did last time, then you'd know you were on the right track. But, 4500? By invite? You know, if the Germans aren't on your side anymore, then maybe you really ought to check your premises.

Because yours are so, reflexively, 80's. First, nuclear disarmament. Really? Really? What did you think was going to happen, a sudden "NoNukes" demonstration with hundreds of thousands of studenten wearing death's heads and carrying mock-ups of cruise missiles, hanging effigies of Reagan? You do realize all those people are now well in their fifties and, while they may recall those halcyon days with much fondness (as do most of us when regarding our hippie dope-smoking days), they're now pretty grateful for all that Outspend-the-Sovs stuff. It means they are still speaking German, not Russian. All of Germany is now speaking German, come to think of it.

And then, climate change? Oh, get real, will you? Only the craziest of the extreme left greenie kill-all-the-people-and-save-Mother-Earth freaks believe that anymore. You know, Al Gore, Van Jones. Your other nutty friends. So stop it.

But you can't help it, can you? All those discarded 80's tropes are all you've got. I know, during those dope addled days, abandoned by Mom and Dad and your horribly white grandmother while Frank Marshall Davis gushed about the vanguard of the proletariat, you imprinted all that crap, sort of like a baby duck. Now, your basic thoughts are a series of bumper stickers: Visualize World Peace, You Cannot Hug Children with Nuclear Arms, Save the Planet. Just about every thing you say has one, or all, of those as origin. And, in tough times like this, when you are, belatedly, discovering that all that Marxist cant which brought such a shine to your eyes and sense of missionary purpose to your shredded life, is just so much crap, you can't help curling into a fetal position and chanting, "Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh!" Well, that was a little before your time, but you catch my drift.

Dude, the second time around only works with love. Not Communism.

Your friend,

Schlub.

The other "i" word

Dear President Hopeychange,

 

I have to apologize for not writing sooner. Frankly, I didn't expect you to still be around after November, and I'm still getting over the shock. Go ahead, laugh at me and the other Americans who were absolutely convinced your bungling would hand the Presidency over to an adult. What's that quote? "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people." Good call on your part.

 

And, back in November, as the shreds of the United States fell alongside your confetti, I felt like this was it, that we had reached tipping point, that between the 49% of the Americans you and Bill Ayers lobotomized with your Annenberg Challenge silliness and the 2% you can count on through voter fraud, that the chances of adults ever running the country again was nil. Kaput. Finished. So I bought a lot of ammunition, a couple of extra guns, and decided to sit and wait for the civil war, which should break out sometime over the next ten years.

 

But, then, we had the last two weeks.

 

I mean, man: the Benghazi cover-up, the attack on AP and Fox, and the IRS? Wow. Why don't you just go ahead and put on the leather uniform, replete with lightening bolts, already? I watched the hearings and it was just jaw-dropping; wholesale violation of the Constitution by you and Eric and Ben and every other Marxist, er, Democrat, in the country. It's like you pulled the founding document out of the Archives, draped it in lingerie, and then had your way with it in the Lincoln Bedroom. I've always known you and your party hated the Constitution, but this was just overkill.

 

Then I started looking at all the timing involved: the Benghazi cover-up occurred a month or two before the election; the rape of AP well before that, and IRS intimidation of Republicans well before that. And you and your vanguard made strenuous efforts to make sure nary a peep of any of this got out before November 6th. Because you knew full well that any one of these was enough to get 4-5% of your 49% to go, "Hey, wait a minute, this doesn't seem right," and, while they wouldn't vote for Romney, they'd do what a lot of Republicans who also didn't like Romney did, and stay home. The 2% of votes delivered through fraud wouldn't have been enough, so you would have lost the election.

 

My first instinct, then, that you had stolen the election, turns out to be true.

 

The problem for you now- everyone else is beginning to see it the same way. So, while I never considered you the legitimate president of this country because you are a Marxist and not an American (we've had this discussion a few times already, remember?), it looks like everyone else who solemnly proclaimed you ARE the president 'cause you won it fair and square, now knows you didn't.

 

I think the weeks remaining to your Presidency are going to get a lot worse. You're going to look back on the last two fondly.

 

But you don't have to be worried about impeachment. Not gonna happen. And, no, it's not because you're black (you're not; you're red), but because it's strategically more advantageous for us real Americans to have you finish out the term. Every day you and the Democrats remain in charge will give plenty more examples of why you don't let high school students run the country, as your incompetence becomes apparent even to your supporters.

 

And that's an "i" word you should really fear.

 

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Romney,

I'm going to go ahead and start calling you that because it's a foregone conclusion. Even if you lose the election, you're far more of a President than that sophomoric Marxist holding the office now.

That, of course, does not mean I have become an admirer. I haven't. You are still enamored of government-led solutions. Get rid of Obamacare, yes, definitely, but DON'T replace it with some OTHER god-rotted top-down everyone-will-be-happy stupid government program that will suck money out of our wallets and end up a non-functioning bureaucracy driving the cost of a hospital visit through the roof. Why you and the rest of the plutocrats haven't figured out that medical costs began skyrocketing the moment Medicare was enacted back in 1965 and that piling on more programs will only make things worse... Hello, McFly!

I know, I know, you have an election to win, and forty-something years of government largesse and Annanberg-challenge public education have reduced a good portion of the population into blithering idiots and, unfortunately, you  need the blithering idiot vote. I wouldn't mind that so much if I had an inkling that your programism was nothing more than placating the sheep and you will emerge Reagan Reborn, slaying the federal dragon. But you actually have to eschew government programs to slay them, and you don't eschew. You believe in them.

Yes, I heard you say Big Bird was gonna go, and I applaud. But that's a no-brainer. There's also the EPA, the Departments of Education, Agriculture, Commerce and many other tax-sucking wastes of time that need to be shut down. I know, I know, Reagan was unable to close those departments, either, so give it up, Schlub. But there is a difference between failing to do something and not wanting to do something.

And that is why you won't be the next Reagan.

Oh sure, you definitely look the part, and definitely have the right attitude. The Muslim Brotherhood and Iran and Putin will be a tad more circumspect during your four years, and the economy will explode and there will be a general sense of well-being. You will be Reaganesque.

But not Reagan.

 

Your friend,

 

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

Ah, so much going on, I don't even know where to start. But here's a good place: you saying on Letterman that you represent the entire country.

 

Dude, you don't. You don't represent me, or any other American, at all.  

There is, as you well know, a big difference between a US citizen and an American. I mean, you're a US citizen, odd birth certificate notwithstanding, but you're definitely not an American. An American believes the individual is more important than the mass, everyone is responsible for his own behavior, all rights are inherent, and the government is, at best, a necessary evil with very restricted powers.

Tell me what, if any of that, do you actually believe?

Seems to me you pretty much hold a completely opposite view on all those points. You are willing to impoverish Joe the Plumber just to give the people behind him a "fair shot." You blame Wall Street and banks for your own party's destruction of the housing market. You want to regulate free speech. And if there's one thing you are definitely into, it's expanding the power and reach of the US government so that it can tell us what to eat, what to think, what to read, and what to say.

From where does such hubris arise?

Well, that's easy to figure out— your Dad and Mom and Frank Davis Marshall filling your young skull with all the tripe of Marxism and collectivism, your drug-addled high school days making everything about you, and your extreme self-righteous college and post-college activism. What truly puzzles me, though, is, in the face of all the evidence, you still believe that crap.

I mean, you have more than enough historical proof that the entire collectivist/centralized approach to societal governance simply doesn't work. It impoverishes, enervates, coarsens, everyone. Heck, the  last three years alone show that all of your policy concepts simply don't work; yet, you remain committed to them.

So, you are either an oblivious moronic pseudo-intellectual masquerading as an open-minded sophisticate, like most Democrats, or...

A hate-filled, arrogant, contemptuous demagouge intent on destroying the Constitution.

Which is it?

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear Justice Roberts,
 
My first inclination was to call you a traitor to the Constitution. After all, you just sold America down the river. But, upon reflection, that may have been a bit hasty.

Because I see what you did: you struck down the Commerce Clause and labeled the penalty a tax. Good on ya. We no longer have to worry about the government using the general welfare as an excuse to tell us what to eat, what to buy, where to live, and what to say. And, despite Baracula's disingenuous arguments to the contrary, a tax is a tax. And I, like you, believe a country gets the government it deserves and if we were stupid enough to elect this Marxist, it ain't the Supreme Court's job to protect us from our own stupidity.

But...

You did not have to go through all the strenuous effort to make Obamacare constitutional. Given their arguments, and your response, you should have let the whole thing collapse. Instead, you went out of your way, in an absolutely uncalled for manner, to justify upholding it. That was far beyond the call of duty, and shows you to be in somewhat of a snit. The problem is, when judges get into a snit, innocent people suffer. Comrade Obama and the Monarchist Party got this thing through by perpetuating a fraud, and you, in a snit, aided and abetted it.

You did not act like a judge. You did not protect the innocent.

See, in order for this whole law thing to work, we schlubs have to believe that wise and impartial judges will fill the gap between the schlubs' ignorance of the law's millions of conflicting and nonsensical nuances, and ongoing criminal efforts by Monarchists and Frauds to use those conflicts as means for cleaning out the schlubs' wallets. But if judges get into snits and make rulings they and their buddies can discuss and admire over brie and champagne in country clubs we schlubs can't afford to join, then you have abandoned your responsibility to us. And if judges are more interested in their own snits than the schlubs' need for protection, then the law is just words on paper.

Words on paper can be burned.

So, based on your ruling, the government can now tax us for a state of being. Today, it's lack of health care insurance. Tomorrow, lack of a college degree? How 'bout being white? Oh that'll never happen, you snort.

Uh huh.

You do realize you have devolved the Supreme Court into just one more body part of Leviathan, right? That the Court is uncaring of me and the rest of the schlubs, your "let them eat cake" attitude quite apparent? Okay, good, as long as you realize that.

And I do realize that you have kicked it back to us, saying, "If you don't like decisions like this, then stop voting for Democrats, Monarchists, and other Tory parties." Okay, wid you, bro, and I never have voted for groups like that. But murder isn't supposed to happen, either, and aren't you judges responsible for meting out proper justice to murderers?

Perhaps you should have considered that, instead of the snit.  

So, it could very well be that you are not a traitor. But, I'll bet you could play one on TV.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear Governor Romney,

Pretty much in the bag, ain’t it? Stunning, I’ll bet. After all, we real conservatives don’t hold you in the highest regard (that whole Romneycare thing), and it’s supposed to be another Tea Party year. But there you are, only a fat lady song away from being President. You’re probably crediting your campaign, your campaign manager, the Republican National Committee, your scintillating speeches and Ken-doll looks, for that, but you shouldn’t.

It’s just a matter of timing.

Now timing is nothing to sneeze at. Mostly it’s a skill, requiring measures of patience and decisiveness and cojones, and Schlub is the master of it (por ejemplo, I managed to sell a house and retire a lot of debt just before things went into the crapper). You don’t evince a lot of decisiveness, and your cojone-ness seems on the diminished side, but you do have a fair amount of patience. And all good things come to those who wait.

Because the time is now. Marxists took over the Presidency and Congress and, after three years of torching the countryside, we real Americans have had enough.  Whatever social issues divide us, we thoroughly understand that electing Democrats to office this November is tantamount to joining the Soviet bloc, so we will, en masse, vote Republican. That you happen to be the candidate is just a fortuitous situation.

For you. Not for us.

See, you emerged from a field of midgets. Any one of them —Newt, Santorum, Paul— would win just as big as you’re going to this November. Heck, an infected toe would win. So don’t be thinking you’re the next Reagan or something.

You’re not.

The big disqualifying factor, the one thing making you the candidate of timing rather than time, is that you believe government is the answer. To everything. Now, you are definitely a nice guy, good family man, brilliant businessman, and you do believe in individual rights. But you, and the rest of the Republican Party, still consider legislation and bills and laws and regulations to be the answer to all of mankind’s problems. Oh sure, you do it from a conservative perspective, still regard private property and freedom as paramount, but you still want to manage all of that from DC.

See, Gov, we conservatives have had enough of government. We don’t want you to help us, make our lives better, look after us. We can do that ourselves. We want you to leave us alone.

And while you’ve promised to eliminate Obamacare, change the tax code, and get rid of regulations, you still have a penchant for universal healthcare of some kind, some kind of income taxes, and other kinds of regulations. It’s a better kinder approach, but it’s akin to sharpening the guillotine so the peasants won’t suffer. Know what I mean?

No, you don’t. Which is why this is the last election I vote for Republicans. I will be joining a third party on November 7^th and voting neither Dem nor Rep in 2012.

But at least you get to be President. Once.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear Wolf Blitzer,

Hello! How are you? I was in the unfortunate position all last week of watching only CNN. I say “unfortunate” because I have not liked your network since the 90’s, when it deservedly earned the “Clinton News Network” sobriquet. I think “Commie News Network” is a bit more accurate, but I don’t get to make those decisions.

So, like I said, I found myself watching you a lot more than the one or two seconds I usually give your promotional spots before I switch to something more intelligent, like the Cartoon Network, and, of course, the experience reasserted earlier conclusions that CNN is just Pravda but, I gotta tell ya, the extremes you'll go to disguise your collectivist and elitist stance is just over the top. I mean, wow, the professorial beard and ‘stache and suit and portliness, designed to convey a kind of academician background fooling people into thinking you must be truly objective because you’re like, you know, a teacher or something, to the one or two seemingly objective questions your writers salt in once or twice an interview so you can make a claim of impartiality. Seriously, dude, who do you think you’re kidding?

Certainly not me.

For example, the other week when Obama called out the Supreme Court over Obamacare…you know, when he said it would be unprecedented for the SC to overturn legislation? (hello, Roe vs Wade, anybody?). So, okay, what do you do? You bring on Jeffrey Toobin. Jeffrey freakin’ I-Want-to-Marry-Obama Toobin.

Couldn’t you find someone with, say, objectivity?

Oh, right, forgot. CNN.

Anyways, the gist of Toobin’s explanation is that we Great Unwashed do not have the sophistication or grasp of nuance necessary to understand what Baracula said, that if we, too, attended Harvard and learned the subtleties and implications of Great Thought that Obama had (and that Toobin gets), then we would have certainly realized that Obama was not in any way challenging the Constitutional authority of the Surpeme Court. Oh no, he was merely expressing a concern that the Court would do something drastic and actually overturn a legislative act (see previous Roe vs Wade reference). Heaven forfend!

And you didn’t immediately wipe the floor with Toobin, like even a half-assed real reporter would have done?

Oh, right. Forgot. CNN.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

How’s Hawaii? Silly question; ‘tis a lovely place, I know. Have you been over to the Pearl Harbor memorial yet? Silly question, too. Imagine, you, paying respects to our nation’s military. That’s like you supporting the Constitution or something.

Now, some would think you have much cause to celebrate this Christmas season (or whatever you Marxists celebrate in its place, Proletariat Day or whatever) because of John Boehner’s screwing the pooch over the Bush tax cuts. But, you and I know differently, don’t we? I mean, yes, Boehner is slightly befuddled and I’m sure you thank Stalin every night that he’s where he is, but, c’mon, all this has done is delay things until February or March, when there isn’t a Christmas shopping season around to distract. And, hoo boy, they ain’t gonna be enough teleprompters in the world to get you past this one. You’re going to have to come right out and say that tax breaks benefit everyone and the economy, and then try to explain why people getting to keep more of their own money is better than handing it over to the government collective. Enough to freeze the cockles of any average Marxist’s heart, that.

But maybe you can take solace from the field of midgets the Republicans are winnowing in an effort to arrive at a nominee. I mean, wow, Ron Paul? Newt Gingrich? Not a group to inspire a heckuva lot of confidence  among those of us wishing you and your Commie cabinet long gone. You probably watch some of the debates and go, “Whew.”

I wouldn’t, though. Because Schlub, and about 200 million of his closest friends, are willing to vote for an infected toe over you this coming November.

Happy New Year!

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

Amazing. In the face of overwhelming evidence, stretching back almost 100 years, you still believe that centralized planning and confiscation of individual wealth is the key to prosperity. That could be admired as persistence. Or, it could be a sign of idiocy.

Depends on one’s perspective, I suppose. I mean, you probably think you are being true to wonderful concepts developed through years of scientific study and experience, evidence be damned. But, you gotta remember, what was once called persistence is now called stalking, and things have changed a bit. Por ejemplo, Schlub and about 250 million of his fellow Americans are not too knocked in the head with giving you more of our money. You and the rest of the overlords have a penchant for losing it so, no mas. And that means you’re in danger of getting slapped with a No Contact order for all that sending candy and singing under windows and showing up at a wedding and screaming “Elaine! Elaine!”

Of course, the stalker is usually the last to know his attentions are unwanted. That’s because of a little self absorption, possibly some narcissism- how can anyone resist such a charming fellow as me? All the girls want me. All the taxpayers are dying to shovel over more of what they take home because the experience-that-is-Obama will, godlike, use their filthy lucre to usher in the Millenium. Everyone will be happy. They’ll don their robes, pick up their sickles and cut wheat all day and, at night, sing “Kumbaya” around campfires…well, not campfires, global warming, you know… solar panels. Yeah. From Solyndra.

So, seriously, man, you might want to revisit that whole Marxist viewpoint thing. It’s getting a bit old. Like following an ex-girlfriend around.

Your friend,

Schlub

Dear President Hopeychange

I know it has been quite the while since I’ve penned you, and I really have no excuse to offer, except that I’ve been busy. You can understand that; in between golf outings and secret meetings with the Vanguard of the Proletariat, you’ve hardly had a moment to yourself, either. Usurping the Constitution and destroying the American way of life takes a lot of time, doesn’t it? And I’m sure you and Soros and Ayers simply didn’t expect this level of resistance. Well, it’s like I keep sayin’. This ain’t Russia, and we aren’t kulaks.

But, you’ll be very happy to know that what has been consuming my time has been the preparation, and payment of, taxes. I knew that’d get a smile from you. My accountant, Ming the Merciless, is an exacting taskmaster. Great guy, knows your tax code better than you know what’s in your health plan. Indeed, if you had engaged the services of Ming, you probably could have saved yourself an additional 100,000 off your tax bill. That’s over and above the 100,000 those eeeevil Bush tax cuts saved you. All legal, too.

I’m puzzled, though, by the deductions you took. Weren’t you just all over college campuses telling how the rich need to kick in, that we all gotta sacrifice, rich people more so, it’s only fair, yadda yadda. Well, dude, why didn’t you? I mean, the 400,000 you paid the IRS is pretty much what your yearly salary as President is, give or take, and I and the rest of the peasants paid for that, so, essentially, it zeroed out. Looks pretty much like you didn’t pay one dime of taxes on your actual income, you know, the money from your books that George Soros and SEIU make their employees buy. That was, what, 1.2 mil ? Well, let’s be walking the walk, shall we? Now you may not consider yourself rich because you live in subsidized housing, take subsidized transportation, and have your meals out of the Kitchen, but, believe me, 1.2 mil with no expenses is living large.

So, to lead by example, to show your fellow Richie Rich’s how it’s to be done, I’m thinking you need to write another check for $1,160,000.00. That will leave you with an average US salary of about 40,000. And, to be REALLY fair, out of that you should pay rent, utilities, HBO, the kids private school, your food, gas, insurance, dentist, shoes, Michele’s clothes, the whole shebang.

That’s when you’ll discover what the rest of us have long known; trying to get by on what Uncle Sugar leaves you is tough. And then you’ll get somewhat incensed when you realize all the taxes you shelled out went for bailouts of UAW thugs and Goldman Sachs directors. And here you can’t even take the kids to Disneyland!

Well, I mean, the hypothetical you, the one who actually tried to live within his means.

Instead of ours.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

No doubt your masters told you there would be days like this. That it turned into a whole week, well, hey. I mean, Scott Brown, the Supreme Court, and the stock market crashing? One would think such back-to-back disasters would give pause, cause one to reflect, maybe re-evaluate one's course...

Ha! I know, funny. There's no way you'd do that. Mere minor setbacks. I'm sure Stern and Ayres have been telling you that, shrug it off, get back out there and win one for the Marx-ster.

But the anger! I'm sure Stern and Ayres DIDN'T tell you about that! I mean, you pretty much adhered to the "redneck rabble" line when 1.2 million pretty pissed-off voters showed up on your lawn last year (see previous posts). Buncha losers, racists, clinging to their guns and Bibles. That so many of them managed to get up from their broken-legged couches, tear themselves away from sex with their cousins, make a legible sign and actually show up was just a series of odd coincidences. That they managed to keep coming back (see previous posts), well, racists can always get up the energy to keep the black man down, can't they?

New Jersey, Virginia...eh. New Jersey is a bunch of Mafia in-bred Pineys, and Virginia...can you say "macaca?" While troublesome, can deal with it.

But Massachusetts...Ted Kennedy's legacy seat. What in the Sol Alinsky is going on?

Well, let me clue you in. See, there's another thing Stern and Ayers didn't tell you- socialism sucks. Spouting Marxist agitprop while in high school and down in the 'hood during your community activist days (heady, so heady) and leaning on your hand dreamy-eyed listening to it from your professors in college, yeah. That's all fun. Makes you sound big hearted and open-minded and progressive and smart. Gets you laid, as I'm sure you found out. But as an actual politcial philisophy for running a country? Disaster. Can you say "Soviet Union?"

Now, yes, yes, I'm sure you've pointed out to Stern and Ayres that the deficit is out of control and unemployment is soaring and the Chinese are about to re-possess New York City and, dudes, I thought this stuff would work. And, dudes, people are really, really pissed! There, there, grasshopper, they said as they patted you on the head, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette (quick, who said that?). Just stay the course and you will soon see the American people marching lockstep along that golden path to the worker's paradise, scythes shouldered and a song on their lips.

More likely, torches and pitchforks.

See, this anger is real. We LIKE the Constitution, not Das Kapital. And that 1.2 million last time? Look out your window- it's now about 200 million.

Mayhaps you should, to quote a rather offensive bromide, come to Jesus? Before you find yourself on a rail, feather covered?

Just sayin'.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear Governor-Elect McDonnell, Lt Governor-elect Bolling, Attorney General-elect Cuccinelli, and 42nd District Delegate Dave Albo,

Congratulations on your overwhelming victory this past November. As you all well know, we Virginians had gotten very tired of ever bigger government, confiscation of our wealth, and the erosion of our hard earned freedoms by a small, increasingly insulated elite. That’s what swept you into office, and you know our expectations, that the last eight years of Democrat assault on our prosperity be reversed.

It wasn't just local dissatisfaction that got you elected, however, but a sense that the entire nation is moving dangerously towards a centralized, powerful government bent on running every aspect of our lives. Those people up there in Washington don’t believe in individual rights; they don’t believe in individuals, period. In their eyes, we are just a mass to be herded, directed, and carefully controlled, down to what we eat, what we say, what we drive, even what we think. They are not Americans. Oh yes, they have citizenship, but their thinking is foreign, all the worst aspects of socialist theory and redistribution of wealth that the tyrannies of Europe and Asia have tried to impose on their citizens for centuries, always to massive failure, massive death and ruin. The arrogance of these people prevents them from seeing how unrealistic their concepts are. They repackage the same old Marxist tripe in prettier boxes and try to tell us it will work this time, that we will be happy now finally forever, that is, if we make them our kings, give them our production, do what they say- in short, become their slaves.

We won’t have it. So while you are fixing Virginia, we want you to take a larger view and start fixing the country as well.

Here’s how: announce, for all to hear, that this is a Union of States, not the Warsaw Pact cowering before its bloody master, and that the State of Virginia will decide what Federal statutes are actually within the purview of the Federal government’s enumerated powers, and what belongs to Virginia proper. In other words, you will decide what mandates you will accept. You will not have mandates imposed, especially those so clearly un-Constitutional.

Take this heath care bill. You know it’s a travesty, has no force of law because there is no provision anywhere in the Constitution, no matter how one twists the Commerce Clause, that validates it. Yet, it will probably pass and DC will glower at you and say, “Submit!“ Say, “No.“ Health care belongs to the individual, and Virginia welcomes all insurers and doctors and hospitals in a free and open market without government control. DC won’t like that, will try to force you by withholding Federal monies due the state.

So don't let them have those monies to being with.

How about we intercept the payroll taxes and other fees that are taken from Virginia by the Feds and put those in a state account? Use it to pay for our own Virginia version of whatever mandates the Feds enact. At the end of the year, you can figure out how much of what’s left is actually owed the Feds and send that to them, and then give the rest back to the residents of Virginia. The Feds will end up with far less than they wanted, but that’s only fair. Virginia only gets back a dribble of what they steal from us now. Turnabout is fair play.

It would be the first shots of Fort Sumter. But, this time, the right Fort Sumter.

See, in 1861, Virginia made the wrong decision against union. Yes, the Federal government acted the ogre and their outrageous behavior prompted an unnecessary war, but we picked the wrong side, no matter how noble our intentions. So, this time, let's make the right decision. For the Union. For the Constitution.

Lead the way.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

I can’t quite figure you out. You seem to be two different people. One is the naïve, student council president just gushing with all the milks of human kindness, burning with the zeal of what you think are new ideas, world peace, world sharing, love and harmony, let the sunshine in. The other is a rabid, evil eyed power monger bent on domination and control. Which is it?

Can’t be both. There is no blend of the two. You can’t be a wide-eyed fawn in the forest while throwing your opponents into concentration camps. A raging dictator screaming five hour speeches while having school kids sing hymns to him doesn’t turn the other cheek to nuclear Iran. So, which is it?

I’m guessing neither.

That you run so weirdly hot and cold I consider additional evidence that you are just a front man. You’re taking marching orders, and sometimes those orders conflict so you look schizophrenic. One group demands fascist health care now, another demands world peace, and you get the signals crossed, you know, looking like Hitler at home and Chamberlain abroad, then Chamberlain here and, well, not quite Hitler over there, more like de Gaulle. You get my drift.

Wouldn’t you like to be your own man? Seriously? I mean, you know government health care is ridiculous and you’re more inclined to go with the Republican solution, eliminate state restrictions, allow portability, that kind of thing. But, oh man, what they would DO to you if you agreed with the Republicans! Nah. Better stick with the program, try to please the competing groups, try not to look like a complete idiot.

‘Cause, if you were your own man, you wouldn’t be President.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

How’s the vacation? Not going that well, with Kennedy kicking the bucket and the health care abomination about to do the same. I guess that’s why you announced a second vacation after this vacation. Being President is hard.

I’m pretty sure they told you that. Not that I’ve really defined who “they” are yet; is it those ecocommunists the Apollo Alliance? Soros? Rathke? No matter. Point is, it’s gotten as rough as they said it was going to and you’re just gonna have to ride it out. I mean, when you’re the front man of a dedicated, hard core leftist group which believes its seeing its 40 year plan coming to fruition, you’re going to get your share of abuse.

And you’re doing what you’re supposed to, anyway. They got you elected and said go play. So, you’ve been to Paris and Berlin and New York City and there’s the date nights and the shopping and the other trips and now, look at you, on Martha’s Vineyard. Pretty cool! I mean, did you ever in your wildest dreams think you’d be here? Sure, they carried you along pretty well since the Annenberg Challenge days but, man, I’ll bet even you didn’t think they could pull off a Presidency! Once you’re done with your evening prayers to Mecca, you should drop and add another set to Bill Ayres and Michael Klonsky. Who knew their 20 year campaign to dumb down America would be so effective?

But, you gotta be careful. Front men have a tendency to believe they’re the reason things work, so they get full of themselves and try to run things. John Edwards comes to mind, and look what they did to him. You do have trouble with fullness of self, doncha know. It looks like you got ahead of the plan with this whole health care abomination and now, what, all those fat dumb white ‘murricans running around yelling at Congressmen? About the last time a bunch of fat dumb white ‘murricans got this exercised was right after Pearl Harbor, and you saw what they did to Nagasaki.

So, you might want to consider pulling back. Your stubborn insistence on this health care abomination must be giving Soros the vapors, especially since it really, really looks like you and the Democrats are being downright evil. Why, a lot of people are actually starting to understand this isn’t about health care at all, but an attempt to put them under your thumb. Can’t have that! So, if you got on TV and announced the legislation was being pulled, Rathke’d breathe a sigh of relief and you’d start to look, well, presidential. Give it some thought. ‘Cause there’s always next year.

And they can always find another front man.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

How's that takeover of the medical profession working out for ya? Not so good, I see. But, you'll press on. By God and Jeremiah Wright, you know what's best for all the Bible clinging gun totin' yahoos of this eeeeeevil country and, by God and Jeremiah Wright, you're gonna give it to 'em, if you have to euthanize every 60 year old to do it.

That, of course, indicates a problem- you seem to have little capacity to learn. Oh yeah, Alinsky's rules and Bill Ayres long range plans and how to hide Soros' money, that you've got down. I mean real learning, you know, the ability to re-evaluate positions in the face of convincing, contrary evidence?

Consider: Despite your conviction that your health care debacle will lower costs, your very own CBO is making a very loud and insistent au contraire. You keep saying that everyone wants this, but the polls and all the crazy townhalls strongly indicate otherwise. And you say you don't want to kill grandma, but your death panels seem poised to do just that.

Hello, McFly, anyone home?

I mean, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were on a single minded mission to subjugate the American people by making their very well-being a function of arbitrary state power and, by God and Reverend Wright, they'll submit or no cancer treatment for you! But I know that's not what you're doing.

Are you?

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

Well, those 100 days went by rather fast, didn't they? I mean, when you're busy destroying the country, time just flies. And, I gotta say, you're certainly making progress.

Take that whole Chrysler bankruptcy thing. Threatening the shareholders to withdraw their claims, and then giving the place to the UAW? Wow. I don't think I've seen such naked use of governmental power since, oh, say Fidel first took over. You've obviously been reading your Mein Kampf because that whole intimidate-the-corporations-into-doing-what-you-want, man, just about textbook.

And that swine flu? Priceless. Make a big deal out of a normal, pretty boring seasonal bug, make everybody think they can't even wash their hands without your direction. Good stuff.

You should be calling up Bill Ayres every night and thanking him for the current state of public education. I mean, if Bill hadn't, over the last twenty years, so corrupted school lessons and processes with his postmodernist, hate America stuff, you wouldn't have got elected dog catcher, much less president. Good thing he made short shrift of all that history and logic and independent thinking, right? 'Cause, you know, if Americans still had their brains, you'd have been impeached.

About 90 days ago.

Take care!

Your friend,

Schlub.

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

By now, you've probably realized you're not in Kansas, er, Illinois, anymore. Too bad you didn't come up with that realization somewhere in your first two or three weeks of campaigning (when was that, two years ago?), but, now it's too late. You're stuck. That sinking feeling in your stomach? Epiphany. You're out of your league.

See, that's the problem when you think promotion is merely the obtaining of position. You got to be Harvard Law review chief because it's a cool sounding job. You got to be Illinois State Senator because that sounds pretty cool, too. Senator and President? Well, gee!

But, like all Prom Kings, the moment after you're elected, you're done. Prom King walks around on Inauguration Night going "Hey, this is cool." Next day, he goes back to class and football practice. Sure, his bitchy girlfriend is all proud for a day or two and maybe a couple of other girls are making overtures, but, a week later, it's really done. Yeah, there'll be a picture in the yearbook, but that'll only play at the ten and fifteen year reunion: "Hey, remember when I was Prom King?" "Yeah, man, cool. What are you doing now?"

So, what are you doing now? I'll tell you- proving all of us who saw you as nothing but an unworthy empty suit, right.

But, in the interests of the nation, which needs to survive you somehow, I'm going to give you some advice that might make your reign as Prom King a little better. Follow me here:

1. Don't trust Pelosi or Reid. On anything. Don't take a single bill they offer. Don't let them make any amendments to any bills at all. Knock them in the head a couple of times, in fact. They are a couple of idiots. You should know that; you served with them.

2. Stop speaking extemporaneously. Your true idiocy emerges when you do. That performance at the private retreat you and the Dumbocrats went to on your private planes? Pathetic. My jaw actually dropped in astonishment. I mean, I knew you weren't that bright but, Jesus! That little performance convinced me we'll have civil war in about six months, because you're, obviously, looking to set people against each other. Knock it off.

3. Give up your pet theories. Seriously, give them up. All those ideas of negative rights and the individual giving way to the mass was really cool in your Master's Seminars. A bunch of you standing around with your white-haired distinguished-accent professor sipping Earl Grey and speaking about modes of alienation, cool, great. But absolutely none of it applies to real life. You know full well that cutting taxes on people who actually pay taxes is the only way to get a stimulus going. Stop being an idiot.

See, Hopeychange, once you become an adult, you have to put childish things behind. You've had an extraordinary long run as an adolescent. If you still wanted to be one, you shouldn't have become president. That put you in the big leagues.

Act like it.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear Pres-slect Hopeychange,

Well, the big day will soon be here. All your hopes and dreams realized. In just two weeks, you and your court will march under the basketball hoops and you'll be crowned Prom King. You'll dance with your girl and everyone will cheer and there'll be pictures and it'll be magic. Your Dad will finally be proud of you.

But, what about the next day?

See, the problem with designing your entire life on the progressive assumption of more and more powerful posts is the need to do something when you get those posts. Not so hard when you were a community organizer. I mean, show up, scream some slogans against whitey, march with a lot of your thug friends down to a bank and scare them into giving loans. Okay. Not bad. Same with State Senator. Make some glorious speeches about oppression and the underclass, sound ponderous, don't show up for the votes so no one can really peg you, work some real estate deals with Rezko, also not bad.

Prom King, though, different story. People are going to expect, well, that you do something, like-

give them free health care with absolutely no waiting and their very own individual hospital rooms and the best neurosurgeons in the world in attendance; new cars and houses and food; jobs they don't actually have to show up for; a million dollars a day tax free. Oh yeah, and throw all the rich people in jail.

I suspect you're going to have a tough time with that. I suspect you already know and you're going to leave the actual running of things to your Clinton administrators and then throw them, one by one, under your ever-present bus when things screw up. I think you're going to do a lot of hiding.

But it ain't gonna work, because I'm pretty sure we're going to have:

at least four godawful wars
a complete collapse of the economy
a severe uptick in personal violence
and a balkanization of the country

under your watch.

So, enjoy the Prom, King. It may have to serve as your very last good memory for a very long time.

Your friend,

Schlub

Letter

Dear Pres-slect Hopeychange,

I've got to hand it to you, good moves.

This Rick Warren thing? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. You've got all the doofuses yammering at each other and spinning themselves into apoplexy over nothing.

The Redumblicans are still tittering like schoolgirls over your Secretary of State and National Security Advisor and Defense Secretary. Why, they're half convinced you're going to be a pragmatist centrist go-along-to-get-along kinda president, ha ha ha!

Man, have you got them fooled.

I know you don't really care about stuff like foreign policy and the Army and social policy. Wasn't your thing. Not where your spent your time and effort and sure not going to be your focus now. Put it on autopilot. It's not that important.

But labor and the environment and education, well now. Different story. And you sure picked the right people for what you have in mind, didn't you? An Interior Secretary opposed to any and all drilling for any and all kinds of oil. A Labor Secretary bent on divesting corporations of their assets and giving them to the workers. And an Education Secretary who wants to replace all the textbooks with that silly crap you and Ayres were pushing through the Annenberg Challenge.

A completely immobile population, a Politburo-run economy, and school assemblies singing hymns to your likeness. Big Marxist wet dream.

Distraction. Misdirection. Nothing up your sleeve. Everyone's out looking for homophobes while you're quietly stealing America's soul.

Brilliant.

Your admirer,

Schlub