Letter

Dear Pres-slect Hopeychange,

I've got to hand it to you, good moves.

This Rick Warren thing? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. You've got all the doofuses yammering at each other and spinning themselves into apoplexy over nothing.

The Redumblicans are still tittering like schoolgirls over your Secretary of State and National Security Advisor and Defense Secretary. Why, they're half convinced you're going to be a pragmatist centrist go-along-to-get-along kinda president, ha ha ha!

Man, have you got them fooled.

I know you don't really care about stuff like foreign policy and the Army and social policy. Wasn't your thing. Not where your spent your time and effort and sure not going to be your focus now. Put it on autopilot. It's not that important.

But labor and the environment and education, well now. Different story. And you sure picked the right people for what you have in mind, didn't you? An Interior Secretary opposed to any and all drilling for any and all kinds of oil. A Labor Secretary bent on divesting corporations of their assets and giving them to the workers. And an Education Secretary who wants to replace all the textbooks with that silly crap you and Ayres were pushing through the Annenberg Challenge.

A completely immobile population, a Politburo-run economy, and school assemblies singing hymns to your likeness. Big Marxist wet dream.

Distraction. Misdirection. Nothing up your sleeve. Everyone's out looking for homophobes while you're quietly stealing America's soul.

Brilliant.

Your admirer,

Schlub