What your hard earned tax dollars are going for

Senators sell their votes. They use our money as capital. They buy greater power over our lives, using our money. They make a law and say, "Comply or else," and it is our money that funds it. We are financing our own enslavement. 

President Obama's Initial Address to the Nation's School Children

My future minions,

It is good to see all of you sitting there, so attentive and orderly in your seats, ready for another year of political indoctrination, er, learning. And I can see you, you know. That NSA has got some pretty nifty gadgets.

Anyway, I want you all to study hard this year and get really good grades. You're going to need much bigger brains to understand the new health care system, tell ya that right now. In a nutshell, just don't get sick, okay?

And if you don't want to get sick (and you really, really don't), then you need to follow this exercise program that me and Bill Ayres came up with. Your teacher has passed out a funny little wooden stick we call the 'junior sickle.' Yes, that end is very sharp and you should be very careful with it. The kids whose parents made them stay home today are fair game, though. Kidding, kidding, but hey.

So, every morning before school, meet up with your friends at the local park and practice on the weeds growing there. Get really good at it, 'cause you'll need those skills when you grow up, trust me on this.

If you're worried about getting your Nike's and jeans dirty, don't. I've got these nice brown jumpsuits you can wear, instead. See the little patch? The German phrase there means "Work will make you free." So true, so true. And isn't the little red sash fashionable? You'll look good out there.

So, remember to keep sending those Emails about your parents' conversations, and study hard! Your government is always watching.

Overwhelming sense of being right

Burning with the fires of self-righteousness, there's Mr. Holder, Marc Rich's poodle, huffing and puffing in great mortification over, gasp! torture. Gonna show them, gonna show those eeeeevil CIA thugs! How dare they!

Yes, how dare they?

Use approved methods, already reviewed by Congress, to extract information from subhumans who want nothing more than to kill us all? Use their talents, training, skills and dedication to protect us, keep us safe in the night?

Thank you.

You did make one mistake, though. You believed your own government had your back.

It's a new day in America

If you work hard, go to school, save your money, pay your taxes, scrimp and do without, then please, keep doing that. How else are we going to support all the people who won't? Good little peasant. Here, pull this cart, build that windmill.

I will work harder. Napoleon is always right.