Astronomy 102

The May issue of Astronomy (apparently, they’ve broken the time barrier) had this other article, “What has astronomy done for you lately?” which lists some recent consumer benefits from astronomical research. Apparently, the editors are miffed that we Great Unwashed are objecting to shelling out even more of our hard-earned tax money to fund their favorite projects, like the $8 billion James Webb Space telescope. So, a Better Living Through Chemistry piece.

Talk about reaching.

They attribute GPS to Einstein. See, he was sitting around one day thinking about warps in space/ time and, presto, we end up with GPS satellite systems. I always thought it was due to the military wanting a more precise way of dropping a missile on Ivan, but, no. Einstein musings.

Same for wireless internet, which originated in Stephen Hawkings thoughts about black holes; gold as a possible cancer therapy from snits over sun elements (you have to read it); and accurate laser eye surgery from the Webb’s cost overruns.

Wow.

All of which is like claiming heat pumps originated with Cro-Magnons smacking flint and granite together.  I get it, you want more of our money, but, dudes, you’re going to have to get more LoS if you expect us to buy the argument.

Think Tang and Teflon.

Earn it

The other day, a Falls Church, VA teacher called up the radio and went on this tirade that he and his fellow hard-working, suffering educators had done enough already. Why, they hadn’t had a pay raise in three years, had endured freezes and partial layoffs. Now it was time for others to step up, pay higher taxes. He was only making $75,000 a year, while Wall Street tycoons made fortunes. It just wasn't fair. 

Only $75,000 a year, huh, bub? I’m taking it you want to make a little more, say, $100,000? $125,000? Maybe command a Wall Street salary, $200,000?

Okay, then here’s the deal: you will now work all year round. No summers off. You will get one day off for Christmas and New Year’s. We’ll throw in Thanksgiving Day and Federal holidays, but no more Spring break. You will work a 9-10 hour day, and not just sitting around giggling with your fellow teachers, no. Not only will you teach your own class, but you’ll also manage at least two more after- school classes for the kids not doing so well. You will, also, pay for your own medical and retirement. You will get one week’s vacation a year.

And every child who goes through your class WILL score 2100 on the SATs and graduate with a 3.75 average, or you WILL be fired.

You want Wall Street pay? Then you’re gonna get Wall Street results. ‘Kay?

Are you ready for some football?

Well, I was, this past Sunday, figuring to bypass the dreadful Redskins/Rams game for something a little more like...well, football. Eagles/Saints, Titans/Texans, you know, a real game? But, nooooooooooo. Channel 9 was showing infomercials. Infomercials! On football Sunday! I went out and did yard work, instead. So, okay, the 4:00 game, then. Denver, Chicago, cool! But, noooooooo, again, Fox was showing golf! Only the Ravens game was on and, admittedly, it was a good game, but the Ravens? Yawn. What's with this programming? The NFL has become so eeeeeevil they want you to pay extra to see a good game, pay out a bazillion dollars a season for Total Access or some Red Zone channel thing they keep hawking. Bad enough they've priced the Great Unwashed out of stadium seats (and just why are you building so many skyboxes in your new stadiums, hmmm?), but we're being restricted to just one broadcast game? Gonna start watching college.

Tax day

Schlub makes a pretty good living. Schlub arrived at this happy point through years of taking crappy to less crappy to quasi-crappy to not-so-crappy to fairly decent jobs. Every one of those crap-to-decent jobs developed Schlub's skill set, as did his schooling, acquired through a combination of the VA (paid for by doing very crappy things for the military at slave wages) and personal funds while working the crappy to less crappy jobs. Seven years to get a bachelor's, all told, taking a class here and there, and then a Masters three years later, while working the quasi-crappy to not-so-crappy jobs, ending up with a fairly decent job. Schlub is, after so much time and effort, a highly educated, rather competent person.

All this makes Schlub rather proud of his current situation. I own things, a house, car, clothes. I eat well. I vacation. I have this general smugness of the self-made. I inherited nothing, was not supported by rich parents or grants or legacies or giveaways. And it all came rather hard, to tell you the truth. But it did come. And I am smug.

So, imagine, then, the consternation when my accountant, Ming the Merciless, announced I had to pay 1/3 more in taxes than I had already paid. What? Why? I thought I was getting a refund, what with mortgage interest, my deductions, that stuff. Nope, said Ming, you made just a little too much for most of those deductions to apply.

Well, ain't that something?

So Schlub had to empty his business account by half of everything he had earned last year. Well, that's only right. Taxes are the price of living in a prosperous country. Except Schlub's very hard-earned money did not go to those things of defense and transportation that a prosperous country provides. Oh no. It went to AIG executives who became AIG executives after they got into Harvard on a legacy scholarship from their private school, then spent requisite time in various high profile company positions until Dads' retirements got them the mantles their birth and position guaranteed. Then they spent the next ten years applying those interesting new theories of Laffer curve and Keynesian spending they had discussed in their Masters seminars and oh, well, who knew that wouldn't work? Tut, just call Barney and Nancy and Harry on the Hill and have them ram through this rescue plan, will you? We'll call it TARP or something and will get the peasants like Schlub to bail us out. Pass the brie, Muffy.

Yep. Makes me feel real good about tax day. In fact, I celebrated.

I went out and bought more ammunition.

We don't need no stinkin' bonuses

Lettin' AIG go bankrupt was the better idea, wudn't it?

Interesting that the previous CEO, Greenberg, kept the place in great profit. But, after Elliot "Call me john" Spitzer blackmailed the board to oust him, it fell apart. 'Cause a bunch of Dumbocrats took over.

Takes real talent to drive a perfectly good business into the ground.

Slow posting this week

Tax season, and my accountant, Ming the Merciless, wants me to fill out a bunch of papers. What is Schlub doing with an accountant? Schlub is self-employed. The IRS hates the self-employed. Ming keeps the IRS from killing me. I like Ming, even if he's an expensive bastard.

Not with a bang

With the simple stroke of a pen, the execution order was signed. And there won't be any reprieve from the governor.

The stimulus package

Wife: Our credit cards are all maxxed out.

Husband: Okay, no problem. Charge some more.

Wife: I just said they were all maxxed out.

Husband: No problem. Keep using them.

Wife: But I can't.

Husband: Oh. Right. Okay, here's a couple of more.

Wife: Where did you get…

Husband: Don't worry about it. Just use them.

Wife: But, how are we going to pay for them?

Husband: That's someone else's problem.

Wife: Whose?

Husband: Our kids, our neighbors, somebody in China, who knows? Just use them.

Wife: Okay!

Happy days are here again

So the Marxist laid out the big economic plan today. He's going to save us from the worst financial crisis since the country was founded (Bush's fault) by spending all this money on roads and bridges and other stuff. 'Bout time. Those one-lane dirt roads are gettin' wearisome.

Three million new construction jobs. That's good news for all the recently unemployed bankers, investors, insurance and real estate people. Right up their alley.

Going to cost a googlequadrikazillionfiveuniverse dollars, but, don't worry, they'll just get it from the same place they get all that Social Security, Medicare, TARP, auto bailout, Charlie Rangel apartment money from…

Me. And thee.

I can feel my wallet getting thinner already. Guess I can do without driving (ruins Gaia anyway), meat (cruel to the animals), heat (more toxicity for Gaia), and, well, shelter. Having that stuff just makes you want more stuff, anyway. Like clothes.

But, just once or twice, could the government do without? I mean, seriously, NEA?