Thursday, February 5, 2009

The bombing begins in five minutes

A friend of mine (yes, Schlub has friends) is a real Obamamaniac, is on the mailing list. He forwarded the finished version of this EMail to me, why, I dunno, but I did some research and found this draft version, which someone inadvertently left on a White House server:


From: President Barack Obama [mailto:info@barackobama.com] Sent: Monday, February 02, 2009 1:34 PM To: (cut)

Subject: What recovery means for you

Pat** --The economic crisis is growing more serious every day, and the time for action has come [JUST SEND US ALL YOUR MONEY] .

Last week, the House of Representatives passed the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act [CUTE TITLE, RIGHT? PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THAT'S WHAT IT IS!] , which will jumpstart our economy and put more than 3 million people back to work [FOR THE GOVERNMENT, MY LEGIONS, MY LEGIONS]. I hope to sign the recovery plan into law in the next few weeks [BEFORE SOME OF YOU IDIO...I MEAN, CITIZENS, ACTUALLY READ IT] . But I need your help to spread the word and build support.

It's not enough for this bill to simply pass Congress [THEY HAVE TO LOVE IT, TOO]. Americans need to know how it will affect their lives -- they need to know that help is on the way and that this administration is investing in economic growth and stability [JUST FOCUS ON THE LAST PART, KEEP REPEATING IT OVER AND OVER. YOU'LL COME TO BELIEVE IT.]

Governor Tim Kaine has agreed to record a video [THAT'S ONE BILLION GONE RIGHT THERE] outlining the recovery plan and answering questions about what it means for your community [THE QUESTIONS HAVE ALREADY BEEN CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT AND PLANTED]. You can submit your questions online [HA! FAT CHANCE!] and then invite your friends, family, and neighbors to watch the video [SO WE CAN REGISTER YOU FOR THE NEW CIVILIAN CORPS. GOT THESE NIFTY BROWN UNIFORMS] with you at an Economic Recovery House Meeting [CUTE TITLE, HUH?].

Join thousands of people across the country by hosting or attending an Economic Recovery House Meeting this weekend. [OR ELSE] .

The stakes are too high to allow partisan politics to get in the way [IF I'M GOING TO TAKE OVER THIS COUNTRY, I CAN'T HAVE ANYBODY QUESTIONING MY METHODS] .That's why I've consulted with Republicans [HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! SORRY, COULDN'T RESIST] as well as Democrats to put together a plan that will address the crisis we face [JUST GIVE US ALL YOUR MONEY]. I've also taken steps to ensure an unprecedented level of transparency and accountability [MAN, I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT OUR TAX CHEATING. HOW MUCH MORE TRANSPARENCY DO YOU NEED?]. Once it's passed, you will be able to see how every penny in this plan is being spent [YEP, AS WE TAKE YOUR HOUSE AWAY, YOU'LL SEE WHO WE'RE GIVING IT TO].

You can help restore confidence in our economy by making sure your friends, family, and neighbors understand how the recovery plan will impact your community [AND IF THEY DON'T, KILL THEM]. Sign up to host or attend an Economic Recovery House Meeting and submit your question for the video now:http://my.barackobama.com/recovery.

Our ability to come together as a nation in difficult times has never been more important [IF PEOPLE WISE UP, I CAN'T TAKE]. I know I can rely on your spirit and resolve as we lead our country to recovery [OR I'LL KILL YOU] .

Thank you,President Barack Obama

P.S. -- If you can't host or attend an Economic Recovery House Meeting, you can still submit your questions for Governor Kaine and then share the video with your friends and family this weekend. Learn more here:http://my.barackobama.com/recovery [INVITE A SALLIE MAE GUY. THEY GAVE ME A LOT OF MONEY]

[MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE IDIOTS ARE ACTUALLY BUYING THIS. WELL, SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED, THEY DID VOTE FOR ME....WHOOPS! IS THIS THING STILL ON?]

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