Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

How’s Hawaii? Silly question; ‘tis a lovely place, I know. Have you been over to the Pearl Harbor memorial yet? Silly question, too. Imagine, you, paying respects to our nation’s military. That’s like you supporting the Constitution or something.

Now, some would think you have much cause to celebrate this Christmas season (or whatever you Marxists celebrate in its place, Proletariat Day or whatever) because of John Boehner’s screwing the pooch over the Bush tax cuts. But, you and I know differently, don’t we? I mean, yes, Boehner is slightly befuddled and I’m sure you thank Stalin every night that he’s where he is, but, c’mon, all this has done is delay things until February or March, when there isn’t a Christmas shopping season around to distract. And, hoo boy, they ain’t gonna be enough teleprompters in the world to get you past this one. You’re going to have to come right out and say that tax breaks benefit everyone and the economy, and then try to explain why people getting to keep more of their own money is better than handing it over to the government collective. Enough to freeze the cockles of any average Marxist’s heart, that.

But maybe you can take solace from the field of midgets the Republicans are winnowing in an effort to arrive at a nominee. I mean, wow, Ron Paul? Newt Gingrich? Not a group to inspire a heckuva lot of confidence  among those of us wishing you and your Commie cabinet long gone. You probably watch some of the debates and go, “Whew.”

I wouldn’t, though. Because Schlub, and about 200 million of his closest friends, are willing to vote for an infected toe over you this coming November.

Happy New Year!

Your friend,

Schlub

Much Ado About Nothin'

Paul Wiseman of the AP is just all a-giggle about the rebounding, roaring, expanding economy.

Excuse me?

Methinks, Paul, thou celebrateth too much:

a. “The job market is healthier.” Do tell. Maybe one of a socialist/Marxist/centralized-planning bent is so convinced, but the 8.6% rate over which you dance gleefully is freakin’ dismal. You can do the happy dance once it reaches 4.5%, the unemployment rate inNovember 2006, you know, when the Democrats took over Congress? By the way, the unemployment rate climbed to 6.8% by November 2008, after two years of Democrat congressional control.  Correlation is not causation, I know, but, looks mighty suspicious.

b. “Americans are spending lustily on holiday gifts.” And Nero fiddled while Rome burned.

c. “A long awaited turnaround for the housing market may be under way.” The watchword here is “may,” and the facts you cite aren’t ones to spur champagne breakouts:

(1) “Home construction rose more than 9% in November from October, driven by apartment building.” Which strongly indicates an urge to rent and not buy, doncha think?

(2) “The existing homes sold at an annual rate of 4.4 million- well below the 6 million that would signal a healthy housing market.” You make my case for me.

d. “Falling prices at the pump have freed more money for consumers to spend…” Oh, please. Let’s say the government increases my taxes by 75%, then, six months later, drops that to 70%. I guess that 5% “increase” in my take home pay should have me out buying a new house, huh? Or maybe renting one of those new apartments. When a gallon of gas drops back to $2.18like it was in November 2006 (you know, before Democrats were elected?) get back to me.

e. “Stocks are higher.” Again when we get to 14,000, you know, like we did under Bush, get back to me.

Paul, seriously, knock it off. No amount of spin is going to cover up the fact that Comrade Obama has  completely screwed the economic pooch.

And if you weren’t working for Pravda, you could actually say that.

Tora! Tora! Tora!

Date that will live in infamy just passed, and Schlubster did his usual watching of Tora!Tora!Tora!. I watch The Longest Day (or, more recently, Saving Private Ryan) on 6 June, and listen to Springsteen’s The Rising on Sep 11 (which, IMHO, captures the tragedy and loss of that day better than the 9/11 movies and documentaries). But this year I inadvertently caught a portion of FDR’s “Day of Infamy” speech playing on the radio and was struck by this phrase:

“No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.” http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/fdrpearlharbor.htm

Righteous might. Absolute victory. Wow.

I can’t think of any one sentence, or phrases, that more starkly contrasts the America of a mere 40 years ago, and the present one. Back that mere 40, in the 1960’s when Schlubster was a bald-faced boy, you put your hand on an American, anywhere, under any circumstances, and you got slapped down. Missiles in Cuba? No friggin’ way, Jose. That was a time period when the good, old fashioned punch-in-the-nose was the main method of dealing with obnoxious twits, not law suits and charges of simple assault. Obnoxious twit countries knew that America would give them the international equivalent of said punch should they undertake any other kind of Pearl Harbor type action, and would keep punching until their Emperor was brought on deck of an American destroyer and made to sign surrender documents while their cities glowed.

We don’t seem to have that attitude anymore.

But Schlub! We got that bin Ladin guy and reduced a stone-age country to pre-stone age and Saddam got a necktie party!

Yeah, and Iran’s about to get a nuke, we sold out Egypt to the radical Islamists, we admonish Israel for defending themselves against Hizbollah, we excuse shariah law creeping in everywhere and we are still subject to jihadist attacks against our cities and people.

Doesn’t sound like absolute victory to me.

Apologies to Dan Harmon

Okay, Dan, I was wrong. W-R-O-N-G. These last few Community episodes have been brilliant. Just friggin’ brilliant. Up to your standards. Documentary Filmmaking, Studies in Modern Movement... Ruptured my stomach lining, I did.

So, those previous episodes that Schlubster took issue with- throwaways? Filler? Some exec’s son put on the writing staff? S’okay. Things is good again.

Lt. Pike is a candy ass.

Uh, pepper-sprayed dudes and dudettes:

Be grateful you live in these gentler police times. We would have moved you with the liberal application of steel batons.

Heartening

So, the public union referendum in Ohio goes down in flames, as does the Mississippi right-to-life one. At the same time, Ohio rejects the Obamacare mandate and Virginia becomes all Republican all the time.

Mixed results?

Nope.

We still value the individual in this country. We still respect unions because they're made up of our neighbors and friends, regular working people. Now the unions, themselves, have become Marxist fronts, and public service unions…don't get me started. Giving a group of our neighbors the power to shake us down to finance their salaries and pensions, while the schools get worse and the regulators grow by exponential notation? Extraordinarily stupid, but that will play itself out. Eventually.

We want women to still make their own choices, too, even if they are incredibly stupid ones. You have the freedom in this country to be stupid.

BUT...

...us paying for your stupid behavior? That’s another story. Pay for it yourself. No Obamacare.

Unions getting out of control? Send Republicans up to the state house to slash and burn budgets, thereby limiting how much damage public service unions can actually do to us.

Restores one’s faith, it does.

Perspective

Do you know which administration was very successful in creating jobs? Hitler's. Stalin's, too.

They even gave people places to live.

What's goin' on?

The one or two of you who occasionally read this blog knows the Schlubster is a big fan of Community. Sheer genius, that show...

...but not this season.

The opener was good, vintage Community, but the last few shows...WTF? The characters are just way over the top. Admittedly, that's an odd criticism for a show that makes it's living on over-the-topness, but they are becoming cartoons of themselves. And not part of a wacky Christmas episode, either.

They're becoming The Office.

Which was not a good show. No, it wasn't. Any of that Dunder Mifflin behavior would have resulted in massive employer lawsuits in about five minutes, so I couldn't accept Office's premise. I have been on campuses like Greendale, so it's believable.

But, no more. Jumped the shark, mayhaps?

Eh. Happens. There's only so many good ideas in any given premise, and it's hard to sustain because we expect people to grow or change or become something else (hear that, 2/12 Men?). Good example is Scrubs, which remained brilliant throughout its true run (not that unbelieveably bad second effort, you know, the one set at the medical school. Although I really liked the tough chick) and went out with some class. Gotta know when to fold 'em, TV writers.

Maybe Dan Harmon is taking a little revenge on the Emmys for lack of nomination/award. You want us to dumb it down? Okay, check THIS season out! I certainly hope not.

Should just fold, guys.

Statement

Dudes and dudettes of the Trespassing…er, Occupy Wall Street gang: unless your wardrobe consists of a Hefty Bag with strategically cut arm and head holes, your diet a half cup of oatmeal a day, and your bedroom a steam grate, you are the oppressor.

It all started with Tricare

For those of you who spent your lives bad mouthing your country and smoking dope, you probably don’t know what Tricare is. It’s the military health system that replaced that godawful CHAMPUS and, I gotta say, it’s purty good. Puzzled the Schlub why Baracula didn’t just expand it to the entire US population, thereby avoiding the rise of the Tea Party in reaction to his Marxist takeover of medicine. Premiums are low, you get pretty good coverage and choice, so, what’s not to like?

The website.

It is the worst constructed, convoluted, incomprehensible concoction of unrelated kerap ever conceived. Don’t let the appearance fool you, don’t let the ease of access take you in- it is of the Devil. Why?

Passwords.

Someone who hates the military conceived the password system, which requires, nay, DEMANDS an incomprehensible set of numbersletterscharacterscapitals dependent on what day of the month it is and WHICH CHANGES EVERY FREAKIN’ THIRTY SECONDS!!! And don’t EVEN try to use different iterations of a previous password, bucko.

A few days ago, I had to go in and make some changes to providers. It was like entering the fifth circle of hell. I had not used the website for months, due to their insane password policy, and discovered they had, somehow, made it even worse. Because, not only did I have to get my new password (which required a special key code they could only mail to me, not use internet, doncha know) but I also had to initiate a similar but even more diabolical password for my Tricare provider, the baby-eating Health Net Federal Services (by the way, this page comes up when you click on 'I'm a Beneficiary. You have to manually switch the page to English. How PC)

That’s when I discovered the DoD Single Service Login.

The SSL is the new method by which we retirees now have to access our retirement accounts, medical information, VA stuff, what have you, and it is more successful than any previous Russian attempt to subvert and demoralize the US military. Somehow, while negotiating the minefield that is Tricare, I managed, unbeknownst to me, to activate an SSL with the username for my military finance account. I have no idea how this happened, and only found out about it when I tried to enter my account using what I THOUGHT was my login, you know, the one I had actually set up the account with about ten years ago?

Two Help Desk phone calls later to Brandon (who is the best Customer Service rep in America, bar none, and I have no idea how I managed to keep getting through to him. Only guy working yesterday, I guess), here’s what I found out:

a. The DoD decided to completely bollix up retiree’s logons by creating brand new, spiffy Basic and Premium account levels for access to your finance, military and medical records. They didn’t happen to mention this to anyone, of course, just did it one day.

b. You can access both accounts through your old login…unless you made the fatal error of trying to log in to Tricare which, somehow, has signed a contract in blood with DoD to completely bollix up any subsequent login attempts by switching out your user name without you knowing it. So your account locks up in 1.5 tries, ya know?

c. The system will offer your security questions- 3 at a time. Not one at a time. And they’re security questions from ten years ago, so you don’t remember if you gave full answers or the one-word lower case answers experience taught you was the only way to match what was on file. Three at a time. Do you know how many iterations of answers you have to go through for favorite teacher favorite movie favorite book worse food on three questions? It’s a number even bigger than the national debt.

So, Brandon had to cancel my SSL. Which means I now have to wait for a password through the mail, which should get here sometime in December. That’s for the basic account. To get the premium account, I have to show up at a VA Regional Office in person with all of my military documentation to prove that the guy with the basic account is the same guy standing in front of your desk, Mr. VA Administrator, so I can now get access to my own retirement and medical records, which I used to access with a simple login.

My nearest Regional Office is 250 miles away. Only open 9-4 M-F.

Or…you can get a Basic AND Premium account by calling the VA’s 800 number. Cool!  So, seven menus later, I get, “Unfortunately, we cannot take your phone call at this time. Goodbye.”

Just take me out back and shoot me.

Letter

Dear President Hopeychange,

Amazing. In the face of overwhelming evidence, stretching back almost 100 years, you still believe that centralized planning and confiscation of individual wealth is the key to prosperity. That could be admired as persistence. Or, it could be a sign of idiocy.

Depends on one’s perspective, I suppose. I mean, you probably think you are being true to wonderful concepts developed through years of scientific study and experience, evidence be damned. But, you gotta remember, what was once called persistence is now called stalking, and things have changed a bit. Por ejemplo, Schlub and about 250 million of his fellow Americans are not too knocked in the head with giving you more of our money. You and the rest of the overlords have a penchant for losing it so, no mas. And that means you’re in danger of getting slapped with a No Contact order for all that sending candy and singing under windows and showing up at a wedding and screaming “Elaine! Elaine!”

Of course, the stalker is usually the last to know his attentions are unwanted. That’s because of a little self absorption, possibly some narcissism- how can anyone resist such a charming fellow as me? All the girls want me. All the taxpayers are dying to shovel over more of what they take home because the experience-that-is-Obama will, godlike, use their filthy lucre to usher in the Millenium. Everyone will be happy. They’ll don their robes, pick up their sickles and cut wheat all day and, at night, sing “Kumbaya” around campfires…well, not campfires, global warming, you know… solar panels. Yeah. From Solyndra.

So, seriously, man, you might want to revisit that whole Marxist viewpoint thing. It’s getting a bit old. Like following an ex-girlfriend around.

Your friend,

Schlub

Reckless Endangerment II

On a lark, Schlub checked out Gretchen Morgenson's home page at the NYT and followed the link to Reckless Endangerment. Then I checked out some comments there and at other places, like Huffpo. Lots of deserved praise for the book, but, curiously, a lot of it was misplaced. Most of the commenters were railing against the banks and Wall Street and eeeevil capitalism. Morgenson, herself, seems to be in sympathy with them.
 

Did they read the same book I did?

Because, as was quite clear to Schlub, the banks and Wall Street were merely playing a dealt hand. Our much loved, benevolent and sincerely wonderful government had, through the Community Reinvestment Act, pretty much told the banks to hand out loans to anyone with a pulse, or else. So, they did what you’d do, complied, and turned to Wall Street for "creative" investment instruments that turned a pretty sorry situation into short term profits; like when a tree falls on your house, you sell firewood.  So blaming the banks and Wall Street and eeevil capitalism is a lot like blaming the house owner and his chain saw.

But that’s understandable. Liberals always have problems with the origin of things.

Reckless Endangerment

That's the book by Gretchen Morgenson and Joshua Rosner. Buy it. Right now. Read it. Schlub will wait...

Okay. Slap the appropriate cover page on this book, and use it to generate indictments. There's a handy list of malefactors in the back. These people need to go to jail. Right, Barney Frank?

Root of all Evil

Government is out of control. Health care is out of control. Schlub admits this may be the linking of disparate topics, but no, not really, and not for the reasons you think.

In 1913, the US amended the Constitution to collect income taxes. In 1965, the US instituted Medicare. How do they relate?

It’s where the money is.

Both changed government and medicine from service organizations to profit centers. Before the income tax, most persons sought government office from a sense of obligation. Yes, yes, often it was noblesse oblige, but, still, they gave up jobs or positions and spent a few years in the swamps of DC Serving the People. And yes, yes, there were notorious exceptions. But for most, it wasn’t a career; for most, it was an annoying but obligatory interruption of their career, to be endured and then forgotten.

Same with doctors. Up to 1965, they made house calls and took bags of potatoes in exchange for treatment. It was a priesthood, a life dedicated to healing.

But, throw in gobs of money, and now, government and medicine are places to get rich.

Off of you.

Where do these people come from?

Some dude on the Chris Plante Show the other morning was bewailing the narrow vision of the Founders: they had no idea this would be a country of 300 million, and their quaint notions of individual liberty, while fine for an agrarian society of a few hundred thousand, doesn’t cut the mustard today.

Uh, wrong.

Concepts of individual worth are universal and eternal. You matter. The state does not. The state can be organized in any configuration necessary for proper management, ideally for maximum efficiency and economy. You, though, are organized around your own existence, and that carries a ton more weight than any deft or elegant governmental structure. When that is ignored, you get monarchy and oligarchy and the accompanying oppression and abuse. But when the individual is paramount, you get freedom and prosperity.

No matter how many people are involved.

And then some guy on Fox News was shaking his head sadly over the coming rise of health care costs. “How are we going to pay for this?” he wailed. “We’re just not able to give people the best treatments possible through their last days.”

‘Give’ people?

Pardon me, your premise is showing. You don’t “give” people their health care. We sort of get it for ourselves. Maybe that should be your first operating principle, that of personal responsibility. Here’s a thought- if you and the rest of the statists would butt the hell out of health care, the prices would fall so far all of us could afford it.

Idiots.

Remagen Bridge

Schlub has been vacillating on this whole budget deal. People I respect like it; people I respect don’t. The most annoying aspect: Baracula gets to push the issue past 2012. Most gratifying: Baracula’s sheep clothing slipped and the raving Marxist underneath came snarling out.

A lot of my fellow Tea’ers are screaming betrayal because the debt limit was raised. I share your pain. But consider this, fellow patriots: we are standing at Remagen Bridge. The way to Berlin lies open. We’re looking at each other thinking this is some kind of trick; why did they leave a bridge intact for our use? The Germans on the other side are saying we better not cross. So, what, we go, “Okay, sorry to bother you.” ?

No. We cross the friggin’ bridge, beat the crap out of the remnant, destroy the MarxoDemocrats once and for all, and raise the Stars and Stripes over the capitol.

And, this time, there’s no friggin’ Russians in the way.

Republican Campaign Ad- 2012

The Navy Seals got Osama. Obama just watched.

He also watched as:

a. You lost your job

b. You lost your company

c. Your taxes, gas, insurance, healthcare, food and debt skyrocketed

While:

a. Your dreams

b. Your life’s work

c. and your children’s future, collapsed.

But, give him credit where due…

At least he wasn’t out golfing. This time.

Dear President Hopeychange

I know it has been quite the while since I’ve penned you, and I really have no excuse to offer, except that I’ve been busy. You can understand that; in between golf outings and secret meetings with the Vanguard of the Proletariat, you’ve hardly had a moment to yourself, either. Usurping the Constitution and destroying the American way of life takes a lot of time, doesn’t it? And I’m sure you and Soros and Ayers simply didn’t expect this level of resistance. Well, it’s like I keep sayin’. This ain’t Russia, and we aren’t kulaks.

But, you’ll be very happy to know that what has been consuming my time has been the preparation, and payment of, taxes. I knew that’d get a smile from you. My accountant, Ming the Merciless, is an exacting taskmaster. Great guy, knows your tax code better than you know what’s in your health plan. Indeed, if you had engaged the services of Ming, you probably could have saved yourself an additional 100,000 off your tax bill. That’s over and above the 100,000 those eeeevil Bush tax cuts saved you. All legal, too.

I’m puzzled, though, by the deductions you took. Weren’t you just all over college campuses telling how the rich need to kick in, that we all gotta sacrifice, rich people more so, it’s only fair, yadda yadda. Well, dude, why didn’t you? I mean, the 400,000 you paid the IRS is pretty much what your yearly salary as President is, give or take, and I and the rest of the peasants paid for that, so, essentially, it zeroed out. Looks pretty much like you didn’t pay one dime of taxes on your actual income, you know, the money from your books that George Soros and SEIU make their employees buy. That was, what, 1.2 mil ? Well, let’s be walking the walk, shall we? Now you may not consider yourself rich because you live in subsidized housing, take subsidized transportation, and have your meals out of the Kitchen, but, believe me, 1.2 mil with no expenses is living large.

So, to lead by example, to show your fellow Richie Rich’s how it’s to be done, I’m thinking you need to write another check for $1,160,000.00. That will leave you with an average US salary of about 40,000. And, to be REALLY fair, out of that you should pay rent, utilities, HBO, the kids private school, your food, gas, insurance, dentist, shoes, Michele’s clothes, the whole shebang.

That’s when you’ll discover what the rest of us have long known; trying to get by on what Uncle Sugar leaves you is tough. And then you’ll get somewhat incensed when you realize all the taxes you shelled out went for bailouts of UAW thugs and Goldman Sachs directors. And here you can’t even take the kids to Disneyland!

Well, I mean, the hypothetical you, the one who actually tried to live within his means.

Instead of ours.

Your friend,

Schlub

Earn it

The other day, a Falls Church, VA teacher called up the radio and went on this tirade that he and his fellow hard-working, suffering educators had done enough already. Why, they hadn’t had a pay raise in three years, had endured freezes and partial layoffs. Now it was time for others to step up, pay higher taxes. He was only making $75,000 a year, while Wall Street tycoons made fortunes. It just wasn't fair. 

Only $75,000 a year, huh, bub? I’m taking it you want to make a little more, say, $100,000? $125,000? Maybe command a Wall Street salary, $200,000?

Okay, then here’s the deal: you will now work all year round. No summers off. You will get one day off for Christmas and New Year’s. We’ll throw in Thanksgiving Day and Federal holidays, but no more Spring break. You will work a 9-10 hour day, and not just sitting around giggling with your fellow teachers, no. Not only will you teach your own class, but you’ll also manage at least two more after- school classes for the kids not doing so well. You will, also, pay for your own medical and retirement. You will get one week’s vacation a year.

And every child who goes through your class WILL score 2100 on the SATs and graduate with a 3.75 average, or you WILL be fired.

You want Wall Street pay? Then you’re gonna get Wall Street results. ‘Kay?

West of boro

The Supreme Court has, once again, made an incredibly stupid decision that will, once again, flush another portion of our Constitution down that long sewer pipe they, and the rest of the gummint, seem intent on sending it. But, BUT, Schlub says, as with most postmodern legal decisions designed to free us from the oppression of our little bourgeois shopkeeper minds and impose the longed-for civilization of peace and love and humbuggery, there be some unintended consequences a brewin’.

But first, this: allowing Westboro to continue spewing their over-the-top toilet stained crap (lots of sewer references today, but, hey, consider the material) at mourners attending funerals of loved ones who died defending this country is proof that a legal degree and years of making judicial decisions turns you into an idiot. See, it’s like being a sewer (see what I mean?) worker- after awhile, the whole world looks like crap. When all you do is stare at legal writ all day, you think it's, well, real. Holy. Inscribed some hitherto midnight on walls by disembodied fingers or something. And you imbue it with an absoluteness which means those scrawls on parchment are inviolate and apply to every single situation in the universe all the time with absolutely no exceptions regardless of the circumstances they just do so shut up. Result? Judges making completely asinine decisions while saying things like, yes, well, the Westboro people are a vile group, wot? but the purity and divinity of the First Amendment means that people who have come to say goodbye to their young child who was killed fighting crapheads who want to put us all in bags and then behead us, well, they’ll just have to listen to Westborites screaming that America is a fag nation and sonny boy deserved it. That First Amendment is soooo holy that your right to say goodbye to your son just isn’t as important as Westboro’s right to gloat over his death.

From where does such absolutist, legalistic, patristic thinking come from? Why, post-modernist philosophy, of course, which declared God is dead and so is common sense and we are a nation of laws (rules) and you peasants, subsequently, bear watching. Is the source, it is, of the recent rash of unbelievably stupid bureaucratic reactions to stuff, like - this. Kid gets suspended because he recognized a situation and acted with good common sense. Ain’t gonna have that, no we ain’t. There are rules. RULES. And they will be obeyed. All. The. Time. You peasants.

And the same thinking that led to the kid’s suspension led to the Westboro decision.

BUTT, and it is a big but, the SC 9 may have just unleased a rather gigantic bucket of worms. ‘Cause the decision means (drum roll, please)- there are no longer such things as fightin’ words, speech codes, hate speech, politically correct expressions. You may now call a black man the n word* if you wish, a homosexual a faggot** a Democrat a Marxist or Nazi***, carry signs of Obambi with Hitler moustaches, and post banners outside Justice Steven’s house declaring his wife has AIDs. And you can’t be arrested for it. And the news media can’t get the vapors. It’s the law, sonny boy. The SC 9 has just made decent behavior illegal.

It also means prayer is back in school and Ten Commandment tablets are back in court rooms. Because the First Amendment, which is actually written into the Constitution, trumps “church and state separation,” which isn’t.

Fun times, fun times.

*I don‘t much like that word, as Sheriff Langston said, so I don't use it. But you can

**I prefer the term ‘pole smoker’

*** Six of one, half dozen of another

Contrast and compare

Egypt. Westernized, civilized (to a point), suffered under the thumb of a rather oppressive guy. The Egyptian Army- taught by us, armed by us, financed by us. Apolitical, widely trusted by the people. Disobeyed Mubarrak and did not fire on the demonstrators. Quietly took over the administration of the country and is now working towards elections.

Libya- Russian trained, Russian supplied. Socialist country, loved by the left because like, you know, Qaddafi? He’s a revolutionary, man. Now mowing down their people by the thousands.

Mull that.

More Salmon for Kunta Kinte

Just watched my TIVO’d episode of Community, the one where Pierce gets his revenge. In awe, I am. Sheer friggin' genius. Just like last week's episode, the librarian, and the week before's, Dungeons and Dragons, the Don’t Do Drugs one before that. Epic. Each of them. Each of them, the best episode they ever did. Until you get to the next episode.

How is that possible?

At first, I suspected aliens, but executive producer Dan Harmon doesn’t look like a lizard wearing a human mask. Looks like Bill Murray, instead. Which may be explanation enough, and that his writers are God-touched wizards, the progeny of a very select breeding program secretly initiated decades ago among Mensa members.

Community is, hands down, the greatest television show ever. Just ever. Not only that, it is the best written television show ever. Ever. E. Ver.

And yet, the ratings suck. Por que?

Because... American Idol is the most popular show on television. No further explanations necessary.

They be riotin' in Madison

And can you blame them, those cruelly treated, horribly abused, beaten, enslaved public school teachers, who have to endure such terrible hours, you know, 9 to about 4 o’clock, with the summers and all holidays and snow days and planning days off, and their retirement paid for and their health care paid for and their schooling paid for and all their days off paid for, too, while never having to worry about being fired? Governor Snidley Whiplash and his Republican Brotherhood of Evil. If the teachers have to pony up, oh say, 4-6% of their income as contributions to their health care and retirements, how are they going to spend that extra week in the beach house towards the end of August? They’ll be much too grumpy when school starts back up, and the children will suffer, oh yes, they will. Citizens of Wisconsin are just going to have to forego their own retirement and vacations and a better car and maybe a bigger house to ensure their little sweetikums are not permanently traumatized because Miss Brooks didn’t get enough of a freak-on during her well-deserved three months off. Might end up naked in a car with one of her 16 year old students or something. And it’s not like Wisconsinites aren’t getting bang for buck. Just look how well Wisconsin schools are doing.

Yeah. Just look.

C-. Good job, teach.

Ode to Jean

We buried our mother on Wednesday. She’d died two Mondays before of sepsis and dementia, Dilaudid easing the way. It was a nice, quiet passing, a blessing. It was about the only blessing she ever had.

My Mom’s life was a cruelty, a long continuous assault of abuse and malice and absolutely undeserved punishment. She was a nice girl, a fun girl, very pretty, who honored her parents and did well in school and spent her Jersey days doing what nice 1940’s girls did. Then she met Dad.

She spent the next 25 years or so under Dad’s constant, frenzied, misogynistic attack. The good days were limited to mere scorn, sneering contempt and insults. The bad- womanizing (if they were actually old enough to be called women), constant accusations of her infidelity to mask his own, the withholding of money, and the occasional beating. He turned his wrath and fists on her children as they came along, and she had to stand and watch as he broke them, one by one, rendering what slight protection she could. On a day too long in coming, she helped them flee into the night and across the country, the wounded making good an overdue escape.

By that time she was in her late 40’s, unskilled, alone with three shell-shocked teenagers, so she found another man. And he was not a beater or a pedophile, but was certain her place was under his thumb, and certain her children’s place was nowhere with him. So, once again, she was at the mercy of the stronger, and we kids drifted off to find a haven we still haven’t found, and Mom shriveled a little bit more with each passing year. She outlived the second one, and spent her last three years with a daughter, no money, no home, and, mercifully, a disappearing memory.

And as far as I can see, there was simply no reason for it.

Oh, the preacher spoke her homilies and said Mom was now being comforted in the bosom of the Lord, or words to that effect. But I am hoping the first question Mom asked God was, “Why?” Because no lesson was imparted, at least not one the preacher would accept. Mom was not being punished for a life of evil; on the contrary, she was being punished because she did not understand the nature of evil, having not one evil bone in her body. The evil ones, Dad and the second husband, never paid any penalty that we could see. Dad continued on, managing to ruin at least three other women and their kids. The second one, well, I don’t know, since he and I never talked in the entire time he was married to Mom. But all the wrinkles and scars of his behavior were etched into Mom’s face, not his.

And yes, yes, I know, God did not do this- the men she married did, and their behavior proved, once again, as has been proved over and over and over, that we are a sinful species desperately in need of the saving grace of God. But it was proved to persons who learned that lesson pretty early, who did not need a continuous reminder, and the direct victim was a nice woman who spent her life blinking at the air hammer that slammed the bolt into her forehead, day after day after day.

There was no universal truth imparted, no inching of the human race along a slight incline towards betterment. No, about the only thing that happened was a lovely, happy young Jersey girl was systematically torn apart over decades, until the best thing in her life was an extra dose of some morphine-based pain killer and a nice coffin and a skilled embalmer’s art giving us all just a bare glimpse of that long lost young girl, somewhere under the old bruises.

Why, God?

Let's get real over Egypt, shall we?

There is much, much talk on the radio about the “democratization” going on in Egypt. If that’s what you want to call it, fine. The usual talking heads are telling us we need to be supportive of (a) the mobs and/or (b) a chastened Mubarrak who will, after seeing the light, allow the incremental establishment of a good, just, wonderfully free society where there had been, hitherto, none.

Stop it. Please.

There is no Democracy Fairy waving a magic wand over the Great Unwashed and presto-ing them into bicameral government and constitutional law. That so many believe in this Fairy is the delusion of our own favors- because we here, in this unique country, a true aberration of history, enjoy a democratic form of self-governance, we believe all shall want, and shall have, our fortune.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Foist of all, you gotta remember we were thrown out of every perfectly good country in Europe and Asia because we are, collectively, a mongrelized bunch of malcontents who chafe at authority and will pick a fight with anyone at any time for any reason. Not the docile, wheat threshing peasants the kings and dictators of the Old World desired. So, they gave us the ole heave-ho, and we, somehow, managed to throw together a type of governance that works well for our temperament. Our temperament. No one else’s.

Twoist, all of the dog-poor dirt eating countries over which we fret have had at least 200 years to take the measure of our success and decide if this is the way to go. Please note, they haven’t. They remain as dog-poor and dirt eating as they were at about, oh, say, the year 1132. Christian calendar. The only persons in those dog-poor countries who had even a modicum of democratic urge made there way here and are now fat, dumb and happy Americans, and to them, mazeltov, welcome, good to have ya. But the home countries remain dog poor.

Why is that? Because the rage in their hearts and the urge to kill Boris’ goat is far more important than self-governance. They are peasants in their thinking, and always will be. So, the chances of something similar to Congress and the electoral college emerging from the looting of the Alexandria museum is slim, to none.

I hope I’m wrong. Please feel free to let me know if it turns out I am. But the only evangelization you can do is religious, and the person evangelized has to make a personal decision. You can’t evangelize a form of government. That’s what the Soviets do. Or did. Or are still doing, who knows with those guys.

A country has interests. Not friends. Protect those.