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Romney: Can't be any Worse.

Vote Democrat, comrade.

Vote Obama: China can Use the Money.

Reagan, Carter...no brainer. Romney, Obama...ditto

Astronomy 102

The May issue of Astronomy (apparently, they’ve broken the time barrier) had this other article, “What has astronomy done for you lately?” which lists some recent consumer benefits from astronomical research. Apparently, the editors are miffed that we Great Unwashed are objecting to shelling out even more of our hard-earned tax money to fund their favorite projects, like the $8 billion James Webb Space telescope. So, a Better Living Through Chemistry piece.

Talk about reaching.

They attribute GPS to Einstein. See, he was sitting around one day thinking about warps in space/ time and, presto, we end up with GPS satellite systems. I always thought it was due to the military wanting a more precise way of dropping a missile on Ivan, but, no. Einstein musings.

Same for wireless internet, which originated in Stephen Hawkings thoughts about black holes; gold as a possible cancer therapy from snits over sun elements (you have to read it); and accurate laser eye surgery from the Webb’s cost overruns.

Wow.

All of which is like claiming heat pumps originated with Cro-Magnons smacking flint and granite together.  I get it, you want more of our money, but, dudes, you’re going to have to get more LoS if you expect us to buy the argument.

Think Tang and Teflon.

Astronomy 101

Schlub is a reader of the science publication Astronomy, more from a “it’s good to have been here” perspective than anything. I’m clueless about the math, the physics baffle me, and I couldn’t tell a quark from a boson, but they have pretty pictures and star charts. Afterwards, we’ll get ice cream.

The mag tends, though, to the smug, especially when regarding the non-astrophysicist community. F’rinstance, the lead article this month was “What Happens When we Detect Alien Life?” (a rather slob-appeal title, IMHO. Mayhaps hoping for a few off-the-rack sales?). The whole thing was rather giggly over the concept, and you could just see the writers smacking knuckles together in gleeful anticipation of what such an event would do to all those slope-headed fundamentalist Christians out there.

But I can’t help wondering what their reaction would be if the first message we get from Mars is, “Have you heard the word of God today?”

Now, that would be fun.

Letter

Dear Wolf Blitzer,

Hello! How are you? I was in the unfortunate position all last week of watching only CNN. I say “unfortunate” because I have not liked your network since the 90’s, when it deservedly earned the “Clinton News Network” sobriquet. I think “Commie News Network” is a bit more accurate, but I don’t get to make those decisions.

So, like I said, I found myself watching you a lot more than the one or two seconds I usually give your promotional spots before I switch to something more intelligent, like the Cartoon Network, and, of course, the experience reasserted earlier conclusions that CNN is just Pravda but, I gotta tell ya, the extremes you'll go to disguise your collectivist and elitist stance is just over the top. I mean, wow, the professorial beard and ‘stache and suit and portliness, designed to convey a kind of academician background fooling people into thinking you must be truly objective because you’re like, you know, a teacher or something, to the one or two seemingly objective questions your writers salt in once or twice an interview so you can make a claim of impartiality. Seriously, dude, who do you think you’re kidding?

Certainly not me.

For example, the other week when Obama called out the Supreme Court over Obamacare…you know, when he said it would be unprecedented for the SC to overturn legislation? (hello, Roe vs Wade, anybody?). So, okay, what do you do? You bring on Jeffrey Toobin. Jeffrey freakin’ I-Want-to-Marry-Obama Toobin.

Couldn’t you find someone with, say, objectivity?

Oh, right, forgot. CNN.

Anyways, the gist of Toobin’s explanation is that we Great Unwashed do not have the sophistication or grasp of nuance necessary to understand what Baracula said, that if we, too, attended Harvard and learned the subtleties and implications of Great Thought that Obama had (and that Toobin gets), then we would have certainly realized that Obama was not in any way challenging the Constitutional authority of the Surpeme Court. Oh no, he was merely expressing a concern that the Court would do something drastic and actually overturn a legislative act (see previous Roe vs Wade reference). Heaven forfend!

And you didn’t immediately wipe the floor with Toobin, like even a half-assed real reporter would have done?

Oh, right. Forgot. CNN.

Your friend,

Schlub

The One

So Rubio's out there telling us all to get behind Romney, and the morning show guys and just about everyone else is saying he's the guy so c'mon, Redumblicans, eschew others and jump on the Romneyvan.

No.

Because, Redumblicans, moderates, wonkies, he is not the one we want (by "we," I mean real conservatives, taxpayers, working people). He just isn't. Why?

Because he still holds tender in his heart the concept that government is the answer. Oh, sure, a nicer government, one that reflects conservative American values, rewards hard work and savings, cherishes the family and the individual.

But, still, government management of our lives, our efforts, our prosperity.

And we've had enough of that mindset.

Bring us a candidate who believes in the citizenry, not the Congress, who promotes the individual, not the process, and who considers the Bill of Rights absolutely inviolate and who will not only eliminate Obamacare but Romneycare, Gingrich Care, any and all kinds of government sponsored care and feeding of the masses. That's the candidate we want.

Please.

It's back!

Community, that is. A small sacrifice involving Alec Baldwin’s ears will be made to the TV gods, in gratitude.

Troy and Abed being normal.

The Hulk.

Man, perfect.

Dan Harmon for president.

Math

Price of 1 month’s worth of birth control pills at the Target located closest to Sandra Fluke’s school: $9.00. Amount- 30 pills.

Price of 1 morning-after pill at the same location: $49.00

Price of 3-pack condoms at the same location: $6.14.

Okay, we’re first solving for X, which is the number of times Sandra Fluke (uh, er, or one of her “friends”) had sex in three years.

Let’s see, a month’s worth of pills doesn’t really help because you can boff forty-five times a day on one pill, so we’ll just go for a ratio of 1 using that. You don’t take the Plan B every day, or, wow, you really shouldn’t, so let’s say 5 times a month to cover emergencies. So let’s figure a 30-day month, and we are:

[(30 + 5 + 3(30) [using three condoms a day]) * 12 months] * 3 years = 4500 times over a three year period.

Which gives us a per-day rate of : 4500/ 3*365 = 4.1 times per day.

Yowzah.

Now, just for the sake of argument, let’s say all this boffing occurred just on weekends. Usually most law students attend through the summer, so we’re going to make it a 365-day year.

Solving for x, the number of weekend days in a year: 365/2 *7 = 104. (By the way, Schlub was a bit stymied figuring this out so went here. The internet is a wonderful thing.)

Soooo, 4500/104*3= 14.4 times each weekend.

Again, yowzah.

And how much did all of this boffing actually cost the sweet young things? Let’s see, 12(9) + (5 (49) *12) + (6.14 *30 * 12) * 3 = (108 + 2940 + 2210) *3 = $15,774 over a three year period.

Obviously, Sandra greatly underestimated the cost of boffing in Georgetown.

And, Mr. Montaldi, you were right: algebra is fun.