The One

So Rubio's out there telling us all to get behind Romney, and the morning show guys and just about everyone else is saying he's the guy so c'mon, Redumblicans, eschew others and jump on the Romneyvan.

No.

Because, Redumblicans, moderates, wonkies, he is not the one we want (by "we," I mean real conservatives, taxpayers, working people). He just isn't. Why?

Because he still holds tender in his heart the concept that government is the answer. Oh, sure, a nicer government, one that reflects conservative American values, rewards hard work and savings, cherishes the family and the individual.

But, still, government management of our lives, our efforts, our prosperity.

And we've had enough of that mindset.

Bring us a candidate who believes in the citizenry, not the Congress, who promotes the individual, not the process, and who considers the Bill of Rights absolutely inviolate and who will not only eliminate Obamacare but Romneycare, Gingrich Care, any and all kinds of government sponsored care and feeding of the masses. That's the candidate we want.

Please.

It's back!

Community, that is. A small sacrifice involving Alec Baldwin’s ears will be made to the TV gods, in gratitude.

Troy and Abed being normal.

The Hulk.

Man, perfect.

Dan Harmon for president.

Math

Price of 1 month’s worth of birth control pills at the Target located closest to Sandra Fluke’s school: $9.00. Amount- 30 pills.

Price of 1 morning-after pill at the same location: $49.00

Price of 3-pack condoms at the same location: $6.14.

Okay, we’re first solving for X, which is the number of times Sandra Fluke (uh, er, or one of her “friends”) had sex in three years.

Let’s see, a month’s worth of pills doesn’t really help because you can boff forty-five times a day on one pill, so we’ll just go for a ratio of 1 using that. You don’t take the Plan B every day, or, wow, you really shouldn’t, so let’s say 5 times a month to cover emergencies. So let’s figure a 30-day month, and we are:

[(30 + 5 + 3(30) [using three condoms a day]) * 12 months] * 3 years = 4500 times over a three year period.

Which gives us a per-day rate of : 4500/ 3*365 = 4.1 times per day.

Yowzah.

Now, just for the sake of argument, let’s say all this boffing occurred just on weekends. Usually most law students attend through the summer, so we’re going to make it a 365-day year.

Solving for x, the number of weekend days in a year: 365/2 *7 = 104. (By the way, Schlub was a bit stymied figuring this out so went here. The internet is a wonderful thing.)

Soooo, 4500/104*3= 14.4 times each weekend.

Again, yowzah.

And how much did all of this boffing actually cost the sweet young things? Let’s see, 12(9) + (5 (49) *12) + (6.14 *30 * 12) * 3 = (108 + 2940 + 2210) *3 = $15,774 over a three year period.

Obviously, Sandra greatly underestimated the cost of boffing in Georgetown.

And, Mr. Montaldi, you were right: algebra is fun.