Hors de combat

That's Schlub, who was lifting up the front end of his car to change the oil while playing rugby and threw out his back. I wish. Actually, I was cleaning out a closet, laying out my winter clothes and wishing I was gone...wait, that's Simon and Garfunkle. As you can tell, the very serious drugs a quasi-sympathetic doctor gave me is causing ongoing instances of planar travel. The upside, I can tell you the multiverse is thriving with some very interesting alternatives, including one world where joining the Democratic party is punishable by death. Tried to stay, but the pills wore off. Once I can get a fix on my true location in this dimension, I'll be back.

Empathy

Laura Ingraham just said something that struck a chord with the Schlub. Baracula was abandoned by his mom and dad and decided to go hard core left. Hmmm. Not to seek any sympathies out there, but Schlub suffered through Mommy and Daddy's rather violent, traumatic divorce, leaving me pretty much on my own from age 15 on. Oddly, I went into this hard core anarchist, destroy everything, crash the system, the world just sucks stage, too. Wanted revenge, I guess, just like Baracula does. Difference is, Bambi, I grew out of it. Why don't you?

The Alchemist

Schlub and the Mrs. drove through the horrible rain-terrified traffic of DC last Friday to attend a showing of The Alchemist, a Ben Jonson play. I swear, let one bit of precipitation or falling leaf hit the roadways and 95% of the drivers around here get the vapors. At any rate, the Schlub's did their usual thing: enter a restaurant with barely 35 minutes to spare, no reservations, and demand great food at McDonald's speed. Oyumel could not accomodate us, but Cafe Atlantico did, thanks to the delightful French bartender whose name I never caught but who I tipped a whopping $5, dude. Don't spend it all in one place.

At any rate, I'd never seen a Ben Jonson play before, he being the also-ran to that guy from Avon. Interesting character, though, bit of a thug with a murder he managed to avoid swinging for because he could read a Bible verse in Latin. Ah, the judicial proofs of the Elizabethan Age.

The play was...good. I hesitate because it wasn't The Taming of the Shrew good, but tweren't the fault of the actors, 'twas the material. Jonson relied on a lot of sight gags, a la costume changes, for his chuckles and those were amusing, but, you know, c'mon. The first time the hippie pharmacist (named Able Drugger. That Jonson, funny guy) and the guru came on stage was good for a laugh, but only once. There were some acting standouts: Robert Creighton played Ananias as a crazed, Bible thumpin' Holy-Spirit-jigging deacon, which is a bit of an inside joke, given that Ananias was the first in a long line of greedy Jimmy Swaggart types in Christianity . David Sabin was Sir Epicure Mammon (again, that Jonson, funny guy) and he cracked me up with his Donald Trump get-up and his Leo McKern mannerisms.

So, overall, a good night. Just not great.

The NFL is the Obama Administration

That's right. Complete and utter disregard for the working man while doing everything possible to impoverish you. Yesterday, 1:00 game. What could we see? Washington versus Kansas City. That's it. No game on Fox, just some silly crap while the GIANTS and the SAINTS were playing. Yeah, no interest in that game anywhere in the world, nooooooooo. More galling, only about half the seats at FedEx were filled (gee, I wonder why?). So, you know, blackout rule? And then there's the whole thing with Rush: the integrity of the NFL is one so pristine and holy a guy with a lot of money who could possibly turn around a failing franchise is denied because gasp! he says controversial things. It's a BUSINESS deal, for cryin' out loud!

That's it. Watching college only. Except when the Iggles are on (but, oy, if they keep playing like they did against Oakland...)

Yabba dabba doo time

They had some kind of gay march in DC over the weekend, and I don’t mean a lot of light hearted people singing show tunes. Or, maybe I do. I’m sure it was quite festive. It gave Baracula a preview of his upcoming military, I suppose.

But I gotta say, dudes, please, spare me. It’s not a civil rights issue into which particular set of noxious body orifices you wish to place your organs, or to what degree of bizarre flex you are willing to subject yourself. No, it’s a matter of what lengths you are willing to go to achieve ejaculation, and nowhere, even with the closest reading of the Constitution, do I find that protected by the Bill of Rights. And don’t get all Commerce Clause on me and say “pursuit of happiness.” Your willingness to do unspeakable things to yourself and others for the sake of your fifteen seconds of bliss does not fall under happiness anymore than does a heroin overdose.

“But Schlub! It’s not a choice, it’s who we are and you have to accept us.“ Uh, no, I don’t. Your urges to splay another man’s hairy rear end is not something I have to accept or tolerate or feel anything but utter contempt about. As far as I’m concerned, you are no different than a guy who marries a goat. And please don’t try that “gay gene” crap. You may very well have strong overwhelming urges to be spiked by another man, but urges do not justify, no more than urges by NAMBLA to spike 8 year old little boys justify that behavior.

What you won't admit is that your gayness is nothing more than arrested development. See, all of us went through that He-Man Women Hater’s Club period, but most of us outgrew it. You never did, because you like your ejaculation more than you like anything else. See, with girls, in order to maneuver them into a willingness to assist with that ejaculation, you gotta be nice to them. Buy ‘em things. Show you will be sticking around for the inevitable babies born of that ejaculation assist. Your attitude is, ‘the heck with that, I just want to ejaculate,’ so you find a like minded guy and you selfishly pound each other in untoward ways and fool yourselves that you’ve got a relationship, that you love each other.

Uh uh.

You just love your stiffie.

Under the watchful eye

Now this is a good idea.

What's the rush?

For health care and stimulus and klunker cash and cap and trade and greenery and czars and business takeover and fines and fees and taxes and Afghanistan? well, we can take our time on that and Olympics Olympics Olympics!

The Cloward-Piven strategy, that's why.