Vote early, vote often

The two idiots on the local radio this morning were waxing breathless about the Sacred Right of Voting. "Why," they said, "just LOOK at Minnesota! And you don't think your vote counts?"

Why, just LOOK at the stock crash! And you don't think your IRA matters?

See, dudes, subverting a system doesn't hallow it. Ballots mysteriously appearing in the trunks of cars and in previously overlooked closets while election judges divine new intents from already cast ballots doesn't validate the democratic process. It usurps it.

Can you say ACORN?

But, hey, not to worry. When the Marxist in Chief takes over, he'll fix the voting problems in this country. He'll model it after a very successful system where almost 100% of eligible voters cast a proper ballot for the right candidate, every time.

In Havana.

Letter

Dear Pres-slect Hopeychange,

I've got to hand it to you, good moves.

This Rick Warren thing? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. You've got all the doofuses yammering at each other and spinning themselves into apoplexy over nothing.

The Redumblicans are still tittering like schoolgirls over your Secretary of State and National Security Advisor and Defense Secretary. Why, they're half convinced you're going to be a pragmatist centrist go-along-to-get-along kinda president, ha ha ha!

Man, have you got them fooled.

I know you don't really care about stuff like foreign policy and the Army and social policy. Wasn't your thing. Not where your spent your time and effort and sure not going to be your focus now. Put it on autopilot. It's not that important.

But labor and the environment and education, well now. Different story. And you sure picked the right people for what you have in mind, didn't you? An Interior Secretary opposed to any and all drilling for any and all kinds of oil. A Labor Secretary bent on divesting corporations of their assets and giving them to the workers. And an Education Secretary who wants to replace all the textbooks with that silly crap you and Ayres were pushing through the Annenberg Challenge.

A completely immobile population, a Politburo-run economy, and school assemblies singing hymns to your likeness. Big Marxist wet dream.

Distraction. Misdirection. Nothing up your sleeve. Everyone's out looking for homophobes while you're quietly stealing America's soul.

Brilliant.

Your admirer,

Schlub

Caroline Kennedy's first day

So, this Senate, it's like, this place. You know? You go in and there's all these old guys and, you know, there's a gavel and a looooooot of talking! Real snore fest. Tee hee!

But it's interesting, it is, it really is. You know, like you get to hear all these briefings about stuff. Like, did you know Bin Laden's valet is working for the CIA? Oops! I wasn't supposed to say that! Tee hee!

And we get to help people a lot. I mean, a lot. I mean, we take money from the bad people, like the oil makers and that plumber guy from Pennsylvania. I don't have plumbers making that kind of money in my neighborhood, either! Tee hee! And we give it to really worthy causes. Like the Met. I like the Met.

Oops, gotta go! We're voting on some kind of medical coverage thingy. I'm not really sure what it's about but Teddy told me to just vote yes. Okay! See ya!

Who's on First?

The Marxist called Governor Paterson, er, Blago, and said he supported Caroline, er, Jarret, for the vacant Senate seat.

I'm not getting any indication of a pattern here. Nope, not at all.

Times, changin'

Jaworski and Kornheiser are going on about McNabb's benching. "Is he bitter?" "Does it bother him still?"

Oh, BROTHER!

This is FOOTBALL!!

Knock it off.

And he looked so sincere

At the press conference today, the Marxist was shocked, shocked! to find corruption in Chicago politics. Shake of the rueful head. Yes, it is sad, my peasant minions, that SOME people (meaningful glance in Blago's direction) get into politics and treat it like a business. While others (humble drop of the eyes) enter for the High and Nobel Purpose of Serving the Peeeeepuuuul.

Uh huh.

Which, of course, must mean going to a city renowned for its corruption and…

(a) lining up with a rabid racist church (b) joining a hard left board distributing millions to radicalized education programs (c) running around and forcing banks to give loans to absolutely unqualified people in the name of community organizing (which, of course, has just NOTHING to do with our current financial difficulties, right?) (d) using thug tactics to throw everyone else off the ballot and ensuring your election to the State Senate (e) your wife getting a 175% raise after (before? eh, can't remember) you engineer a state grant to her workplace (f) get a real sweetheart land and house deal through your good pal Rezko (friend o' Blago) (g) vote for infanticide (h) vote 'present' on everything else (i) get into the Senate and do absolutely nothing but run for President and (j) accept foreign and fraudulent contributions to your campaign…

is not at all self serving but Service to the Peeeeeeeeeeepul?

Spare me.

Say it ain't so, O

"Birds of a feather flock together."

"Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas."

"You're known by the company you keep."

Rezko, Blago, Ayers, Dohrn, Klonsky, Wright, Rathke.

The prosecution rests.

Letter

Dear Pres-slect Hopeychange,

I see where some of your constituents have gotten themselves into a bit of a kerfuffle. You know, those torqued off workers occupying their former place of employment, that window company, in your hometown? Okay. We all understand it. A bit disconcerting to show up for work and find there is no work and, oh, by the way, your pay and vacation time? Fugidabowdit.

But, boys and girls, taking over environs that do not belong to you is called trespassing. It's called a whole bunch of other things, too, but we'll limit ourselves for the sake of this discussion. I am fairly certain that, at some point in your Harvard Law School training, trespassing was mentioned. Somewhere in between negative rights and state ownership of the individual soul, you probably had some discussion of it. I'm thinking you're pretty aware that it's an illegal act.

So you encourage them?

Dude, and I mean that in all its WTFO tenor, what are you doing? Has it dawned on you that those days of fist raising and chanting "No Justice, No Peace," are over? I mean, savor the memory, but act your age.

And your office.

Don't bother

Here's another movie you shouldn't waste your $25 on: The Day the Earth Stood Still. What? you say, but this looks epic! Cool effects! Gort!

Effects are for video games. Plot is for movies, and this one definitely isn't your Dad's Earth Stood Still. Based on what previews I've seen, here's the movie:

Keanu Reeves, chosen for his robot-like acting abilities, is sent by some Mysterious Galactic Power to rid the fragile, long suffering Earth (Gaia, whatever) from the plague of lice infesting it- us. It seems Gaia old babe is a sentient being linked through some eerie ethereal means to all the other sentient beings that constitute planets in the Universe. She has been sending out distress calls because, unlike all the other lice in the Universe, we have not learned to love and nurture our Mother. Instead, white middle-aged corporate men have raped and cruelly treated her for centuries, most especially under George Bush, and she has cried out in agony for relief. Took awhile for the call to reach the MGP (Universe is pretty big, after all) but it's back and it's mad and the Day of Reckoning is at hand. Some cute ethnic kids and an oh-so-smart sensitive woman will buy the rest of us crass, butt scratching, Amazon burning, oil spilling cretins more time. But will we learn?

Yawn.

See the original. Much better.

Misdirection

Been seein' some giddiness here and there over Lenin's cabinet picks. Some Repub pundits have been downright oo-ing and aahing: Why, these people are moderates! Clintonistas with a pragmatic bent! We might be okay!

Get a hold of yourselves.

Have you forgotten how bad the Clinton era was? Remember wholesale evisceration of the military and intelligence services, treasonous giving of missile technology to China, high taxes, Elian Gonzales? That was these guys.

Also, cabinet picks an administration does not make. Pres-elec Hopeychange is still a hard core Marxist bent on making the Bill of Rights his personal toilet paper. You think Commerce Secretary Richardson is going to divert him?

No, he just gives cover.

Wake. The Hell. Up.