Schlub's State of the Union

My fellow Americans,

And you know who you are. The State of the Union is bad. Bad, bad, bad. In November 2008, half of our countrymen took leave of their senses and voted for an empty suited naif with the experience level of a typical college intern, the sense of a dead housefly, and the ideology of every other pampered egoist with an overweening sense of superiority- yes, I mean Marxism. If you didn't know better, you would have sworn the KGB had engineered a coup. Come to think of it...

At any rate, this idiot and his faculty adjuncts have had at us for a year and what's the result? Dee saster. We're in so much debt the Chinese are lecturing us on fiscal responsibility, so many people out of work you'd swear it's 1929, and the terrorists are so unimpressed they're actually sending clowns to attack us. Underwear bomber. How humiliating.

But, there are signs of hope. The people of Massachusetts threw off their chains and sent an actual man to the Senate. The medical takeover has been halted, Tea Partiers are having conventions, and there's talk of a two-House takeover. Wow. Baracula has been reduced to a sputtering nincompoop taking snit shots at Republicans, that lower lip starting to tremble in the most entertaining of ways.

So, all is not lost. While we have had very dark moments, and the enemy is still in control, the people are awakening. For that, we can actually thank Baracula and his minions. After all, if they hadn't been elected, people would still believe liberalism is a viable governing philosophy.

Keep your chins up.

Al Gore, Bring a Shovel

There's 30 inches of global warming in my backyard. Take a look...